, , , , , , ,

2018 post intro; half finished blog post with a twist in the middle, but will appear to just be me like I always am – it’s acutally interesting how half a year past since I wrote this (below) but I can’t wait to reveal what the fuck has been happening lately. Lol. Life man.

Good morning world, and all of it’s inhabitants. I’m back from another sabbatical leap away from the real world, hiding like a genie in a bottle after you’re done drinking – no but really, I’m back in the real world again. Trying to remember what I want my priorities to be, how I can infuse them into every conversation I have with anyone… That’s actually pretty awesome. I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to the subject of my last couple of weeks. I did this shoot and developed this concept in June, the heighth of my dark-red vixen days, inspired by the cool and re-exhumed idea of the Genie in a Bottle. The Xtina concept/version, of course. This kinda thing was born when I noticed the shirt on Nasty Gal was titled Genie in a Bottle. Come on and set me free! How did I even survive this time lol tf.

No the truth is, for better or worse or boring or life, I really had been locked up tight, I was for a couple of crazy months. I don’t even know, but basically and metaphorically I’m reborn in every moment and getting so much better and stronger as I go. But this Genie look was so dead-on, for the Genie 2.0 song that totally reflects it.

Okay, back to 2019. I had a good start with this post. I was then going to go into the details of why this shoot (from June 2018) was inspired by Xtina’s Genie in a Bottle (or the remake of the song called Genie 2.0) but it was mostly because I bought the shirt from NastyGal deliberately because the name was Genie in a Bottle. So I then played the song on repeat, repeatedly, and tried to channel my inner genie for this shoot. The overlined lips and swelling from the Xtina 2002 piercing, the attitude, the pure no-fucks-given attitude. I actually adore it. But when I opened my computer today, not having written on here for half a year but thinking about it everyday, I started a new post with the same name and this is how I intro-ed it. It’s super interesting but it’s probably good that this isn’t the intro at the top of the page…only my real readers can follow along. This is a crazy mind-puzzling post but see if you can keep up – with what, I’m not sure!

2019 post intro: including this old June shoot paired with a new February shoot shot by Matt.

Hey everyone. It’s insane that I haven’t posted since the end of July. At that point is when I first hung out with Matt the night after getting home from my Idaho trip, and that was pretty insane. Because I basically walked into his place and then bam, from then on out we were always together and consuming eachother. We got kicked out of his apartment and we woke up one day at my dads to find out we couldn’t go back there, so surprise! We had nowhere to live except with my dad. We would sit in my room, doing nothing doing everything, feeding eachother to keep us alive and also tearing each other down in every whirlwind of dialogue. Does this sound like it’s getting personal? It’s so factually real and has been my life every month since August until January, and then half of February. I’m not saying it’s over or that we’re still together. I’m saying I’m sitting in my room alone getting everything done that’s months overdue, and I’m starting to breathe. We can love people so hard but if it’s toxic with no breathing room, it will blow up. It always does. I need space to be me, and yet despite this intro paragraph depicting my graphic hiatus, this blog post will be about me, the genie in the bottle, inspired and aspiring to be me, from the last blogshoot that I never posted to the newest one I just took. Genie in a bottle & Genie 2.0, inspiring concept from Christina Aguilera’s 2008 decade of hits compilation. Despite all this, I promise you I’m a superbitch & your supergirl & it keeps getting better somehow.

I’m truly a genie in a bottle, trapped and locked up tight for centuries, lonely nights…waiting for someone. Matt has been in my life but he hasn’t given me time to miss him until recently while he’s just kinda… gone. I’m a torn up version of my old self and you can tell I barely have a glimmer of the fire left while I’m modeling and channeling parts of myself. So I feel like being stuck here locked in this room is me being in the bottle but nobody has ‘rubbed me the right way’ meaning got along with me in a comforting way to just take me and save me…maybe it’s because it took so damn long to realize I was trapped!

But even though it looks like it keeps getting worse, I have to realize it keeps getting better. Because yes, sometimes I’m a superbitch, up to my own tricks, but it won’t last forever. Because next day I’m your supergirl, out to save the world, and it keeps getting better.

GENIE 2.0 (22)

So, what do you think? It started with an inspired piece of clothing. It turned into 8 months of struggling to be myself, trapped in my own head, trapped by hard drugs dragging me down daily to the core of my being, destroying me. Come and set me free? You tell me if I’m still here. I hope to blog like I used to. But then again I have tons of old 2018 shoots to post and tons of new shoots to combat them.

You can tell I’m maturing at a crazyass rate. It’s weird to consider that version of me so naive. So driven and determined to do exactly what I wanted with my blog, and I did. I had full control over me. Why couldn’t I blog for 8 months? Why why? Plus I just gotta say, I loved the attitude of that first genie shoot. Let’s all appreciate it. I remember putting so much work into it.

I was physically stronger back then. Those biceps were cutely toned. I’m so proud of that last picture. I love it. But you can totally tell I’ve gained weight since then…Lost some muscle mass but gained some healthy weight onto those bones. I spent a lot of time eating. Lol.

GENIE 2.0 (17)

Also really proud of this picture. Concentrating, holding a knife to an icicle. Couldn’t describe me better. Oh how things change.

Same genie, different bottle…?

GENIE 2.0 (33).JPG

I do love you Matt.

Well…baby, yes I know what I am, and no I don’t give a damn. And you’ll be loving it…(:

It does keep getting better…I just blogged, bitch!!