July 2018 was crazy but kinda cool. I was a living angel experiencing the life of hard drugs and losing myself, only finding solace in the fact that I was progressing and not just accepting the demise. Still though, my family was going to Idaho later in the month and I had decided the week before that I was going to try to go. That meant needing to get sober in time for it. So I stopped the heroin and the meth, struggled with my own instability and decided to go forward – hard, to get ready enough to survive the trip, and the best part is, even though it was the hardest week of my life (and I never felt more misunderstood and like I was losing myself) the instant that I got home, there was like one hour of getting ready and then I went to go hangout with Matt for the first time by ourselves. I stayed the night with him that night instead of staying at my house and then boom we were together for like, ever. Lol. So that’s how all that started. I’m behind on a lot of old photo shoots but thought I’d do this concept post because I wanted to go deeper on how Matt pretty much saved me from myself and how all that started to begin with. So this is the Missy Understood photoshoot that I did in Idaho, plus the pictures from the family reunion + a short story on how Matt & I fell together. Cue dramatic music. Lol. Also included: of course I picked a song that I did for the Idaho photoshoot but I also have created a conceptual-based playlist called Miss Understood, Hitlist that I’m transferring onto YouTube. And there’s about 5 people that mean the world to me right now as I’m diving into sobriety once again. And this time I’m excited. My vision board journal, my new love of music videos and music DVDs, the rearranging of my room, and the exploration of my new & improved art formations…It’s going to be a good year.
2018 post intro; half finished blog post with a twist in the middle, but will appear to just be me like I always am – it’s acutally interesting how half a year past since I wrote this (below) but I can’t wait to reveal what the fuck has been happening lately. Lol. Life man.
Good morning world, and all of it’s inhabitants. I’m back from another sabbatical leap away from the real world, hiding like a genie in a bottle after you’re done drinking – no but really, I’m back in the real world again. Trying to remember what I want my priorities to be, how I can infuse them into every conversation I have with anyone… That’s actually pretty awesome. I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to the subject of my last couple of weeks. I did this shoot and developed this concept in June, the heighth of my dark-red vixen days, inspired by the cool and re-exhumed idea of the Genie in a Bottle. The Xtina concept/version, of course. This kinda thing was born when I noticed the shirt on Nasty Gal was titled Genie in a Bottle. Come on and set me free! How did I even survive this time lol tf.
Welcome to the greatest show, the greatest show you’ve ever seen before — this post is the new era. THE new era. The red hair, balayage like Christina 2001. Labret piercing like Xtina 2002. Goodass friends. Cute little models for me this time. Feminism. Loneliness? What comes with a new era… what comes with a new revolution. The way we revolt and the weapons we use. The way we aim and the game we play when we’re ready to slay. We’re girls, take a deep breath and say it loud. CAN’T HOLD US DOWN. ~ conceptually inspired by the 2002 song by Christina Aguilera.
“So. What am I not supposed to, have an opinion? Should I be quiet to speak ’cause I’m a woman? Call me a BITCH ’cause I speak what’s on my mind, when it’s easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled. (((::”…. to be continued press de buttonn.
Hey guys, this past month I was truly reborn. Slowly but surely my dreams are coming true in the strangest, slowest, confusingest ways possible. So the last day of May I dyed my hair this gorgeous dimensional red and I’m obsessed…with that and my labret lip piercing and I finally felt motivation to write today before the crew comes over and helps me do my greatest comeback shoot. Because here’s the thing. Waiting in my queue was basically just some pics of merch, pics of me in my merch and other gadgets, a couple pics of me with my snake, so I want to cram all of this into one so I can 1. Show you guys this cool stuff — it was put in the queue for a reason. Like each of these, or at least half, were supposed to get spotlight blog posts. But now that’s not what’s happening. I want to take you guys on a journey and show you these loads of merch and a couple other cool things about my last blogshoot days of being brunette. Like how I was for 19 years. I have new stories to share, new craziness or possible excitement to share… And now I get to finish cleaning my room before my peeps arrive and that will start this whole big deal and everyone is excited. Like it’s really super cool that people are this excited about being in my blogshoot. It means freakin’ hella! I’m proud of myself and my blog. The last couple of weeks I sunk into one of the deepest depressions of my life…And after a little support, some new friends, a crazy life hijacking twisty-turny slide, a breakup, a few people to get to know better, like 10 mini rocks later given to people and picked out specially with ones that I feel like resonated with that person, even though each time I gave someone a rock it was my way of saying greetings beautiful stranger, I can tell you’re fuckin’ special. Greetings humans, I want nothing but to treat y’all with love and respect. Pluuuus++++ drugs. Producing music videos. Reaching out of my comfort zone. Dangerous stunts. Learning the way to not take things personally. Understanding people. Missing people. Finding myself. And then there’s also that time that I got pics of my little booty in my Lights booty shorts, too.
“Welcome to my Darkness, I’ve been here a while
Clouding up the sunlight, hurting for a smile
Or something, but something always turns into nothing.
Oh, I drain your life ’til there’s nothing left but your bloodshot eyes
Oh, I’ll take my time ’til I show you how I feel inside
Welcome to my Dark Side.”
“Waited a long time for this, feels right now
Allow me to introduce myself. Want you to come a little closer. I’d like you to get to know me better. Meet the real me.” – Stripped pt. 1 (track 1)
I’m in love with Christina Aguilera‘s second album Stripped right now, because each song has played such a big role in the last month that I’ve been dwelling on it, and applying it gently to my situations and creating new perspectives here and there. I’m a lot more aware in so many ways. When I did this shoot I named it Keep On Singin’ My Song because that was the most relatable at that moment, and the way I related to it was on the tail-end of getting over some stupid crap in my life. After March 18th, one of the most beautiful and sentimental and fun and adventurous nights of my life, I finally got my closure, but earlier this month, the only thing that kept me going was to keep on singing these songs. I’m breaking into the music shizz slowly and miss Ivy K. Green is going to help me as we write together (You Don’t Know) and I’m totally gonna have her help me cover some songs for her. I got closure, but now I’m going to keep on singing my songs because I’m so twitter-patted and infatuated with this passionate & pure poison ivy/love of my life and makes taking risks look like just…living. As it should always look of course. Read more.
A month ago, I was sooo on a roll with blog posts. November was awesome for me and my blog and I was not only posting frequently, but thoroughly, and quality-ily. Quailityishful. So anyway then December everything started getting busy and crazy, however I FINALLY got around to editing these two shoots that I did (there was like a trillion pics to edit) and so now I can totally actually begin this journey that is Culture Shock, which is a half-formed idea in my head that’s about to florish. It’s derived of two equal parts, My Prerogative and Can’t Pin Me Down. Let’s see how I grow, live, create, slay and laugh at myself. After finishing this I’m actually extremely proud, and expression is best served passionately.
I feel like each of these Diary things is really different. Don’t be fooled by their names though, even though they’re all “Diary of ___” something different, they’re all basically the same thing. Journal entries in the form of blogging, pictures, online shopping and interacting with people online. Today I wanted to not only have a “diary” entry for the “DarkkVixen” that I am (that’s basically an inside (joke) thing I’ll explain it further down) but I wanted to show an unseen photoshoot with you guys that I’m actually really proud of, and it symbolizes a lot. Originally I used it on my other blog (just like one of the pictures) and I thought that represented a lot so I didn’t think to post the look here, especially because there’s no “shopping” really involved in it, but I do want to show you guys. I have so many looks, so many ideas, so much drive and everyday I get more bloated with inspiration and have to chase these blog goals to relieve it. Lol, for real. So get to know the DarkkVixen inside of me.
Album of the Shoot/Post – Bionic by Christina Aguilera
Fashion is my…favorite thing in the world. My highest passion, my favorite thing to do, my favorite thing to think about (other than Ally), etc…Sometimes I think people forget that. They see me prancing around in my photoshoots and assume I’m some wannabe model, or even a wannabe blogger. But it’s more than that…my FAVORITE thing is to blog about my fashion, but that’s because the fashion itself is so exciting.
Continue reading for more thoughts, rambles & brain exercise. Celebs, lingerie fashion, etc…
Hey y’all! I just want to say, a year ago today I was doing my Marilyn shoot for my Marilyn, Knits & Memories blog post and today I’m photoshooting with simply a glossy lip stain and super fluffy faux fur coat. I sure tried a lot harder on the Marilyn shoot than I did with this one, but yet the pictures from today are somehow still better. I really need to get back in the habit of blogging more often!
Anyway, I got a faux fur coat from Nasty Gal for $198, and it’s so fun! A couple days ago I took a few pics with it on and today I took a few more but overall there was like less than 15 photos total, whereas last year I took over 50…Lol, but hey, I’ll try harder soon. No more empty promises. Here’s this fun look!