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Snowblind

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I can’t see anything in the snow. I can’t see anything except the cold feel on my skin, or the crunch of ice beneath whatever shoes and their level of practicality for the day. I wiggle my toes to see if they’re still there, and they are. And I’m also still breathing. When I take my deepest breath and look around I can learn to see and feel at the same time, but as you may or may not have noticed that’s not a usual thing for people to have adapted yet in regular situations. I embrace the newfound form of my third eye and be thankful I have any eyes. I hear music, and it’s my brothers, and it sounds different than what plays from my speaker. From my heart to my head to my body mind and soul, I hear/feel/see/touch/think/observe differently. But there’s a way to go from So Blind in the Snow (snowblind) to what I’ll introduce to you as “so kind to let it show”. So let me introduce you to not only allll the amethyst stuff I’m wearing from Amethyst Dreams but let me unblind y’all or something. No basically I’ll just show you the Snowblind words and break them down and let you know how I’m feeling and what I’ve overcome with just thinking of my own personal right to have power and feel strength. Blog it baby one more time.

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Happy Birthday Dad!

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Dear Old Man Jenkins,

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These kids and their flying machines. I love and adore you so much more than I ever can express. Everything in our lives right now is scary and complicated and in the air, but you still do so much for me. When I got to live with you in our apartment and grew to know you more as an adult and not as a child, I respected you more and more every day. I see that you’re human but I & everyone I know of thinks you’re a pure soul and we’re baffled as to how. Every single day I wake up and even if on the surface I’m hating on myself for the situation, I really do love myself. I stick up for myself. I watch other people humiliate their worth and I realize they didn’t have you as a cheerleader when they needed it that I did.

Things weren’t always super perfect with us, but my favorite thing is talking to you. Getting to know you, and how you feel. And maybe birthdays aren’t your favorite things..but I need to explain to you that you changed the world with this day 48 years ago, and every second of my life I have been daddy’s little girl because I feel so spiritually and brilliantly connected to you in a way where most people couldn’t even get close to with a parent. It’s heart breaking. You’re not just my parent, you’re you. My best friend, usually my only friend, my main source of support, my confidence boost, my healthy reminders, my reassurance, and I will never ever forget all that you do for me and how you calm me down no matter what. I learn a lot from you so when you think one of my thoughts sounds profound, just know I learned to think in that certain way because of you. Thank you so much for being there for me and I love you a ton.

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18 Years of Ivy

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HAPPY 18th ANNIVERSARY OF YOUR BIRTH, MY LOVE!

As you were blooming in Audra’s beautiful belly you were welcomed into the world as Ivy Katherine Green, which also became the most perfect name for your music to release for the moment or two. It’s cool to have your identity separated like that, but not in a way where you’re different people. You’re also Ally Smith, who looks like your mother Adriana too (even though you don’t have her same genetics) you grew up with all these traits that you’ve been finding and seeking and learning and growing about for 18 freaking years and you’re really becoming this beautiful human – no longer able at all to be considered an ’empty shell’, but when I listen to you patiently with no expectations I hear the ocean so cogently, as if that’s really what you are. You’re full of so much fucking magic but it’s not quite ocean magic – you definitely have gotten a lot of magic from the ocean and based a lot of your life and songs off of the ocean. It’s your favorite place, angel. But when I look at you you’re not even a shell. Not full nor empty, not really anything to do with a shell, but yet you encased yourself in a shell like a turtle, truly. That’s what was really happening.

You lifted the shell and you let me inside, and I walked in to find the place wayyyyy bigger and more complicated and beautiful than you make it look on the outside. And you said Abby, go ahead and learn about me, go ahead and learn and see. So the journey began, one of the millions of times that the journey began…and here we are, almost 3 years later, finding different things in our shells and breathing different words in our embraces. I love you, Alexandra Marie Devon Smith. Happy 18th rotation around the sun. Happy legality of buying your own cigarettes. Let’s rule this world hand in hand, babygirl.

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Somewhere Perfection Lies…

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“There are reasons you keep your hands tied

There’s certain things you shouldn’t have tried

So if you gotta tell me something

You better go to the beginning.”

Everybody Breaks A Glass by Lights – Song Inspo of the Post

I have a lot of Lights merch. At one point, I want to catalog all of it, an have it in an organized way where it can be found in the abyss of my other millions of tags and categories of this site. I decided to do a shoot with this Lights shirt that I got that is from her first era, The Listening album, and at first I wanted to make the post about the Listening era/album but the shoot spoke to me as Everybody Breaks A Glass. What I was going through, what I’ve learned and what I’m going through, it really ties into this song. Especially with the state I was in while shooting this outfit. So I got dolled up and ready to shoot this awesome outfit outside infront of these insentient cars, playing around with the sun’s glorious and hidden lighting; and with all of that, I do have a message to share with y’all.

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Keep On Singin’ My Song (Stripped pt.1)

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“Waited a long time for this, feels right now

Allow me to introduce myself. Want you to come a little closer. I’d like you to get to know me better. Meet the real me.” – Stripped pt. 1 (track 1)

I’m in love with Christina Aguilera‘s second album Stripped right now, because each song has played such a big role in the last month that I’ve been dwelling on it, and applying it gently to my situations and creating new perspectives here and there. I’m a lot more aware in so many ways. When I did this shoot I named it Keep On Singin’ My Song because that was the most relatable at that moment, and the way I related to it was on the tail-end of getting over some stupid crap in my life. After March 18th, one of the most beautiful and sentimental and fun and adventurous nights of my life, I finally got my closure, but earlier this month, the only thing that kept me going was to keep on singing these songs. I’m breaking into the music shizz slowly and miss Ivy K. Green is going to help me as we write together (You Don’t Know) and I’m totally gonna have her help me cover some songs for her. I got closure, but now I’m going to keep on singing my songs because I’m so twitter-patted and infatuated with this passionate & pure poison ivy/love of my life and makes taking risks look like just…living. As it should always look of course. Read more.

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Amethyst Dreams

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It’s March, but not only that, it’s springtime as well! I’m so excited to dive into this entirely new season and era of my life with such beautiful things to look forward too and create. Today’s post is another crystal of the month post that I just randomly happened to create and put together, of which I call Amethyst Dreams. March for me was/is a month of Amethyst…protection, learning about myself/wisdom in general, and all that Amethyst has done for me and my life with both meditation and it’s representation alone. Amethyst is probably the stone that I have the most of, other than Rose Quartz–February’s crystal of the month. I have lots of little stones of this, I’ve given away a number of them, as well as jewelry, makeup inspired by the stone…etc. Either way, when I think of amethyst, for me and my life personally I always associate it with protection. It also ties in with the third eye chakra which is probably why I’m so easily and beautifully intuitive. I wanna show you guys my world of amethyst, come right in!

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I Do What I Love

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Hey everyone, good morning loves! Kind of a crazy morning for me, I fell asleep before getting ready for bed then woke up and was like “oh I should get ready to sleep” but instead stayed up and ate chocolate. On the bright side, today I finally get to publish this awesome post, of which I’ve been working on for a lil over a month; it’s weird it’s been like a month since I even did a full outfit by myself with details yet I’ve posted lots of other stuff. So this is overdue. Finally another cute outfit to talk more about. I think some of y’all might think this is dope! The rest of you, I don’t really care. Lol, love you all! Let’s get into it though. Read More (below) to dive into this with me. Let’s just see what we have here…

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You Don’t Know

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Hey hey. I’ve come here today at 6am after getting like a couple of crappy hours of sleep earlier buuut it’s not like I could sleep now. My head has hurt eternally. Here I am NOT to complain, I actually have better things to talk about. This past month has been pretty crazy and a weird spin of events where all of the sudden I’m on the other side of the mirror, but it’s a good thing. I’m pretty sure I was supposed to be here the whole time, not on that other side which was just a vision of something that I could’ve seen be my life. But it wasn’t my life. That was never really me, as much as I was 2u947827987917491% convinced it was me. Yes I know there’s a u in there and I’m not complaining it makes sense. Lol. It wasn’t me in some aspects, and it broke me down in most of the rest. And then my eyes opened. We sobbed by a car and she opened my eyes. She made me realized I deserve so much better with how my life plays out and how people directly treat me, and it’s crazy that it became such a war around me just for me to withdraw myself from a situation. And I guess that’s the prelude to how she birthed the powerful song, “you dont know”.

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Muladhara – Root Chakra Box

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Balancing my chakras not only increases my intuition by a lot, but it changes my association with that inner voice. It used to be that sometimes I would know to not do something but be frustrated because I wanted to so bad, but now it’s like, as soon as my intuition realizes what’s hap it makes me feel absolutely no desire or need to do…well, anything. I get drawn to the things that are good for me. Still working on that food thing though. But I wouldn’t say I get ‘pulled back’ from the bad things but it’s as if the path was already built for me to go around all of it and like stay home and meditate or not take something instead. It feels so natural, like my consciousness and subconscious have finally not just linked but synced, and I go through life feeling like I have more of a purpose.

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But what’s beautiful is I took my love of subscription boxes + my love of striving to balance each Chakra and subscribing to the Chakra Box is a perfect example. I’m excited to show you all my experience & review for this box. I got it a couple weeks ago but waited to experience everything before writing this. For this particular subscription there’s only 7 boxes total, each box has around the same or similar things (i.e., each Root Chakra box will look pretty similiar) but I’m excited for the next chakra up, the Sacral Chakra! But for this post, I wanted to go through with you what I got, how I used it and all that, and hopefully shed some insight onto someone who’s curious about what materials or mindsets needed to balance Muladhara (the Root Chakra), even if they have really no prior knowledge to balancing chakras, because I had little to none. Which is why this subscription box was so beautifully perfect for me! Let’s get into what I got, how to utilize it, and more about Muladhara itself. 🙂

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Dime in the Jukebox

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Good morning all. Things have been kinda crazy for me lately. Lots of emotion and confusion, but at least I have people in my life who are caring of me. It makes me feel hugged and loved. No matter what I go through I have my fam and sometimes some other surprising characters in the mix and I don’t think anyone truly understands how we bring each other up. Anyway, I thought it was finally about time to post about Madii & I’s photoshoot, which involved chilling in her room. Seems like a weirdass name but I promise you it makes sense…to me. Lol, continue reading.

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