It’s a new month and almost fall, and I’m doing so great! I’m always glad about the progress I make from time to time and how I go about everything as time goes on. I also really love how things turned out for this photoshoot – I decided to wear a short sleeve pink striped dress, which is this really comfy material. I love the way it looks on me, it’s a good material for how it fits me. I decided to also include a pair of really cute pink sunglasses that I got in like 2019 from Dolls Kill, they looked really good on top of my head with this dress as a hint that summer is nearly over. I love sunglasses but I haven’t really ever shot them that much before, just a different blue pair in a photoshoot in this blog post and a couple other photoshoots! I love these ones though, I always try to do shoots for as much as what I can from what I’ve gotten from Dolls Kill over the last 3 years or so. It’s, as you probably know, my favorite online store to shop at and always has been since I started ordering from there. You can check out different photoshoots I’ve done with the things I’ve bought there here, in my Dolls Kill category! I have a bunch of things from there, but only a bit of it left to get into photoshoots. I’ve made a lot of progress shooting as much of it as I could! Also, I’m really excited that this is another Convenience Fee blog post. I keep naming photoshoots after the different songs I have on the playlist, it being my favorite playlist I’ve ever had for almost a year now! This photoshoot is named after the 2015 song by Zeds Dead named You Know, which was the second ever song I put on the playlist last fall. I really love this song a lot, it’s a classic. I found it last fall as well. I might also end up seeing Zeds Dead next month with my friend in Seattle, but we’ll see if it ends up happening! That would definitely be amazing, & I think it would be perfect timing too. Let’s get into the photoshoot.Continue reading
August is a good month so far, I’m glad I’ve been back hanging out with friends and things like that after all that happened last month. I’m doing pretty good, I feel like things keep getting better! I was excited to get up and do a photoshoot for this outfit this weekend, I ended up doing it with this cute white star shirt that my mom got me earlier this summer from California which she went to. I think it’s super cute and fits me well, I love stars on everything and the rhinestones they used for this shirt sure are cute. White also sometimes looks pretty good on me so I love that. Anyway, I’ve been doing a lot of the same stuff as I usually do, but my mood is getting kind of better as I go because things have changed. I’m focusing more on myself and have been able to do better things for myself, and I kind of represent that sometimes too with the things around me. I can’t believe that most of the summer is almost over, I love the weather as usual and everything but I also can’t wait to see what comes next as I continue throughout my life. This photoshoot is a pretty good one as well, let’s get into this one!Continue reading
I’m so excited about how this photoshoot turned out, I finally put together something good like this with my extensions in and everything. I love my red hair with all my heart, it’s been red since 2018 and I’m still not done with it! Especially since I have these red extensions I want to utilize more and more as I go. I am totally good with my hair fading to blonde sometimes, but I do love getting to re-vamp and re-dye my hair back to red sometimes. This time, I ended up using Lime Crime’s red hair dye in the color Valentine. I have dyed my hair with this one before, too, like in my other blog post Solved the Problem which is from August 2019. The color ended up matching my extensions, too, but I didn’t use them as much back then. I love my red extensions, they are TestaRossa ones from Bellami in 22″ that I got that same year, bright red. I use all of them when I use them, and it turns out super rockstar I love it. The last time I ended up using my extensions in a photoshoot was this year, in January, in my photoshoot I called Stoke the Fire. I loved that outfit and everything a lot, and I love when I get to do merch, but it was even more fun putting this ‘Hackney’ outfit together and getting it to work really well in this shoot! I love getting to do more on the glam side types of photoshoots and outfits, that’s always super cool with my ‘urban glam’ style overall. I also ended up doing a slightly longer photoshoot than usual with this one, and ended up getting like 54 pictures! So that’s pretty cool this time, let’s get into the blog post! Read more to see more of the photoshoot and all as well.Continue reading
I’m so proud of how far I’ve gotten with everything I have this year, always keeping up with everything I want to be doing. So far I’m a little busier than I was expecting myself to be, making sure I keep pushing forward and keeping track of everything I have as I go. It’s still a lot of the same stuff as I normally have been doing with my life, but I still love so much that I have to show for recently, like my photoshoots with how I’ve been going with them. I’m definitely keeping up with a couple posts this month all month, and I still have so many ideas of what to do with what’s next and upcoming for future posts and outfits. This outfit is all black and white but mostly black, and it consists of a few key outfit pieces I had that I wanted to get into a photoshoot, and I ended up putting all of them together! I love when I have multiple pieces of clothing written down and can get like 2+ of them in an outfit successfully to get more done at once. I’m sure that eventually I’ll get outside and go do more to shoot somewhere new or do something else that’s cool with my life, but I still love all the things I do with my time and I’m always moving forward with all of it, or at least something. Meetings are still an awesome place to go to show off an outfit, at least a couple times a week, but that’s still the main thing I leave the house to do! Other than that I get to get out with my boyfriend once or twice a week, and eventually him and I will get to do more together too but it’s one thing at a time sometimes these days. I’m still totally grateful for everything I have though, and I love what I’ve been doing. This has been a good season so far, I can’t believe it’s already about to be May. Things should be so cool coming up to the summertime and up until then, we’ll see which outfits I end up putting together! Also, I really love that I ended up naming this shoot and blog post after a song, it was a good idea for one. It’s called All I Do, (which I’ll mention more about later) and all I do is blog and do my meetings + work on things around my room. I talk about that enough for sure, but yeah it is pretty perfect for me right now! I can’t wait to see what’s next, I’m really doing good with everything as I go.Continue reading
My life has always been some combination of change and consistencies, the things that kept me balanced or taught me some skill to stay on track. Recently a lot of things have piled up, but at first I really thought it would be something I couldn’t handle or shouldn’t have to deal with. I’m stuck doing these meetings all the time, two different kinds, and I wasn’t expecting to be busy 5 days of the week every day for a while but that’s what it looks like. Something my dad was talking to me about recently was how life throws so many things at you that are unexpected but obviously this teaches you resilience and him and I both agree that we’re good at those kinds of throws from life, just knowing the ground we stand on and how stable we are through the most of it. We also talked a lot about regret this past month and it really said something to me, the way these things would pile on top of me. I’d like, go through all of it and wonder how to sit there and look back at it without it pulling my hair, really. Those two things are something I’m talking about here, but I’ve really relieved a lot of pressure in my life and in my mind by having these conversations with him. Now I love going to these meetings, with every piece of my heart, and I’m back to wearing my heels all the time and putting on my lipsticks. My outfits rock these days and this is my 4th week in a row that I’ve had something to do and somewhere to go every single day of the week. I really absolutely love where I’m at, where I’ve finally gotten into in life, and I’m just having so much fun and actually getting things out of these meetings! I love that I get out and do these things, and even if I haven’t blogged as much recently I still post every fucking month, so I’m not slacking too hard even though I’m way busier now. I feel like I really can create this direction in my life with these toolkits I have gotten from all these meetings, and I have this persistence now that I want to keep up with as I go. I’ve made a bunch of good decisions in the midst of the stupid mistakes that I’ve been throwing in there to tag the regret, but I really see what I chose in life and what good it brings me to be here at this point in time. I believe I’m the person I am because I could be, and because I want to be, every single day of my life and that helps a lot when I’m building myself. I spend a lot of time working on myself these days and I really have everything I need finally, and I’m really proud of this photoshoot! I called it Death Row after the Bebe Rexha song, because I have finally hit a point in my life this week where I really understood and just got it, what I’m doing here. Something clicked in my brain shortly after doing this shoot and I am definitely excited about my future. I see what making changes in your life does, and I feel this positive energy that I keep loving and wanting to express, so I will creatively finally. I really see why I got to this point in my life.Continue reading
Hey guys, this past month I was truly reborn. Slowly but surely my dreams are coming true in the strangest, slowest, confusingest ways possible. So the last day of May I dyed my hair this gorgeous dimensional red and I’m obsessed…with that and my labret lip piercing and I finally felt motivation to write today before the crew comes over and helps me do my greatest comeback shoot. Because here’s the thing. Waiting in my queue was basically just some pics of merch, pics of me in my merch and other gadgets, a couple pics of me with my snake, so I want to cram all of this into one so I can 1. Show you guys this cool stuff — it was put in the queue for a reason. Like each of these, or at least half, were supposed to get spotlight blog posts. But now that’s not what’s happening. I want to take you guys on a journey and show you these loads of merch and a couple other cool things about my last blogshoot days of being brunette. Like how I was for 19 years. I have new stories to share, new craziness or possible excitement to share… And now I get to finish cleaning my room before my peeps arrive and that will start this whole big deal and everyone is excited. Like it’s really super cool that people are this excited about being in my blogshoot. It means freakin’ hella! I’m proud of myself and my blog. The last couple of weeks I sunk into one of the deepest depressions of my life…And after a little support, some new friends, a crazy life hijacking twisty-turny slide, a breakup, a few people to get to know better, like 10 mini rocks later given to people and picked out specially with ones that I feel like resonated with that person, even though each time I gave someone a rock it was my way of saying greetings beautiful stranger, I can tell you’re fuckin’ special. Greetings humans, I want nothing but to treat y’all with love and respect. Pluuuus++++ drugs. Producing music videos. Reaching out of my comfort zone. Dangerous stunts. Learning the way to not take things personally. Understanding people. Missing people. Finding myself. And then there’s also that time that I got pics of my little booty in my Lights booty shorts, too.
90s jeans? 2010 album by Lights? Hot pink tank top? Rhetorical questions + lots of question marks?? What could that mean? The Listening. The Electro-Pop slaying jams that made 2010 as amazing as it was. I was a fan back then, watching the Ice music video in like 2009. But now I take Lights merch to the next level of course, just because I can, and just for lots of fun. You saw me in a 2010 Lights shirt in the photoshoot “Everybody Breaks A Glass” and with a purple 2010 Lights button in Can’t Pin Me Down & others, but this post is all about The Listening album and how it slayed my life past & present even though I think this shirt is from 2009 but yeah same general era anyway. Hahaha. So yeah another outside photoshoot…woo spring!
“Welcome to my Darkness, I’ve been here a while
Clouding up the sunlight, hurting for a smile
Or something, but something always turns into nothing.
Oh, I drain your life ’til there’s nothing left but your bloodshot eyes
Oh, I’ll take my time ’til I show you how I feel inside
Welcome to my Dark Side.”
What do I do when I get tired of all these flights of fancies? What do I do when I’m no longer living for myself, the only real reason I spent the last 19 years alive? When it gets out of hand, and when nobody knows, it can get to you to tire, make you feel like you’re just living to expire. Every word I say sounds the same & I stared blankly at this post for 9 hours with nothing to think and no words to produce and now that I’ve hit rock bottom — of the day — I’m ready to say these things in this manner. Is this a poem or am I trying to write a song or is this just me thinking from a perspective that isn’t usually available for me to dwindle with each day? Like a new snapchat filter that you only use sometimes. A door that you always lose the key to, so long that you forget what lies behind. I found the key and all I can remember is forgetting what it’s for. So come and take a walk with me, let’s sort this out, let’s organize it piece by piece until we find some motherfreakin’ peace. Let’s make the stupid kill-arettes dance in the air, waving like a red beam of give-and-bend light: I’m ready to slay this shoot, are you ready to get my point? Get ready because this was the last photoshoot I did before a series of unjust upside-down twisty-turn slides down into the bottom pit of this ‘real‘ life. Continue reading below for a poetic explanation of how uncool the night of April 12th was and how April 13th ruined my life.
Dear Old Man Jenkins,
These kids and their flying machines. I love and adore you so much more than I ever can express. Everything in our lives right now is scary and complicated and in the air, but you still do so much for me. When I got to live with you in our apartment and grew to know you more as an adult and not as a child, I respected you more and more every day. I see that you’re human but I & everyone I know of thinks you’re a pure soul and we’re baffled as to how. Every single day I wake up and even if on the surface I’m hating on myself for the situation, I really do love myself. I stick up for myself. I watch other people humiliate their worth and I realize they didn’t have you as a cheerleader when they needed it that I did.
Things weren’t always super perfect with us, but my favorite thing is talking to you. Getting to know you, and how you feel. And maybe birthdays aren’t your favorite things..but I need to explain to you that you changed the world with this day 48 years ago, and every second of my life I have been daddy’s little girl because I feel so spiritually and brilliantly connected to you in a way where most people couldn’t even get close to with a parent. It’s heart breaking. You’re not just my parent, you’re you. My best friend, usually my only friend, my main source of support, my confidence boost, my healthy reminders, my reassurance, and I will never ever forget all that you do for me and how you calm me down no matter what. I learn a lot from you so when you think one of my thoughts sounds profound, just know I learned to think in that certain way because of you. Thank you so much for being there for me and I love you a ton.