Category Archives: by Matt

Enough For Me

12 Thursday May 2022

Posted by in Appreciation, by Matt, urban glam

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I think I’ve been doing things right recently, with my normal pacing of everything I have to do and what I focus myself on. I even have been doing better about giving myself time for things too, and preparing for other things to come and making sure I do everything I need to do from here on out. I’ve spent a bunch of time and energy thinking about that, and I’m just glad about where I’ve gotten to with all of my efforts. Everything I have in life is enough for me, and I still always find more ways to fill my cup and acknowledge & appreciate everything on my path and around me. I’m pretty grateful for all that I have and I love the way I’ve been breaking out of myself sometimes to find other things to focus my time and thought on, and I just really appreciate the way things have been working out for me. I know I’m going to continue making progress with everything that I do, and I also love how I’ve been looking at everything a little differently in this past month as I go. I appreciate my boyfriend being in my life as well, and I’m so glad we finally went out and did half a photoshoot together for this post! I got all dressed and ready to do a photoshoot on Monday and spontaneously asked him to take some pictures of me in town, and I was glad he was totally up for that. It’s been a while since we’ve done any pictures together, the last time we got any was downtown in Seattle after a concert for my Euphoria blog post! So that’s pretty cool that him and I finally got to do that again together. I love my pink dress outfit that I did for this post, I got the dress for my birthday last year in November from a small store in the mall called Canal St.! I loved doing pink makeup this time as well, pink makeup is sometimes one of my favorites for sure. Anyway, a lot in my life is usually the same consistently by the time I have another photoshoot, but my outlook keeps changing and I keep appreciating things differently and it’s amazing. Thanks for checking out this blog post, read more!

‘Enough For Me’ Blog Post Featured Photo, Taken by My Boyfriend Matt
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Care Label

23 Friday Apr 2021

Posted by in by Matt, Collaboration, urban glam

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It’s a good afternoon here for me, I’ve been really liking my consistent nature with blogging these days. I blog 2-3 times a month these days, and I’m doing pretty well with it here at home. On my days off I don’t do much, just watch cartoons or listen to music. I finally finished Breaking Bad again, as well as Better Call Saul, and that was a good era of watching those. I don’t normally watch shows like that but I love them when I do, so much. Dang, this month has been kind of hard for me, and I’m trying to get back to good habits these days. I stopped smoking cigarettes for a while but now I’m back at them. I go through them so quickly, too. But I’ll get out of this, and find something that serves me. For example, Matt & I did this photoshoot together at the park down the road from my house, and it turned out okay but we had some lighting problems. It was raining outside, so that was interesting. I lost my camera’s microfiber cloth but it was okay since Matt had one in his car. I swear, even though Matt & I are taking a break from hanging out for a bit, we have a cool kind of chemistry with doing photoshoots together. I created a category for my photoshoots called by Matt, so you can check that out and see all of what we’ve done together so far. I have done so much for this blog just by myself, so it’s refreshing to do something with someone else. Care Label is good, I was wearing a key around my neck and a key around my waist, both being the same key actually. It originally goes to a lockbox, but I don’t even have one that works anymore. I have one pink lockbox with a broken lock, and that’s about it. I’ve mentioned a bunch of different silver keys in my blog posts over the past 6 months (or year) and they’re pretty significant to me, they hold a lot of metaphorical meaning. I mean, the lock on my bedroom door doesn’t even work yet I have a key for that. It’s on a necklace right now, I’ll post it sometime. I have like 10 different keys in terms of jewelry. Oh but how I love this top from MissGuided, I did an order for there earlier this spring. I just love this crop top, it has a care label on it, saying how to wash it & such. Let’s get into this photoshoot!

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Genie Atrapado

26 Friday Mar 2021

Posted by in Appreciation, by Matt, dolls kill, urban glam

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In 2018 & 2019 I was taking some breaks from blogging. But in the midst of it I did Genie in a Bottle & Genie 2.0. Now I’m back with another Genie inspired post but it’s not capitalized like those are. I’ve also had this outfit since the spring of 2019 or so (2 years ago!) and just now finally have it shot. I’ve got a lot going on for photoshoots & posts for the year 2021 so I’m catching up. I finally did this photoshoot with this genie shirt, Rub Me The Right Way. It’s from Dolls Kill of course. I still have one more shirt from this order left to do, so that’ll be later this year. I’m ramping up with photoshoots so I should be posting a lot more these days to get these shoots up. It was fun doing this with Matt, he manned my camera this time. I love that this is my third genie shoot. I even included this genie’s bottle purse for this, plus I’m wearing the same choker the model was wearing for this shirt. That’s a cool bonus. I’m really proud of this outfit. And to piggy-back on to my last blog post, yes I still have crazy dreams, and yes this is my get-out-all-the-time blog post. Matt and I have been hanging out really doing some stuff these days, so he’s top on my list of people. Maybe I seem like I critique too much (mostly with myself, actually) but people like him remind me of where I’m at in life. I’ll definitely zero in on that a little more later in this post, because I have a bunch to say about how things are for me now. I’ve been working out a lot too so of course my dad and I are building ourselves better by the day. I really love how things are going for me these days. I’ve been granting my wishes.

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No Tears Left!

12 Thursday Nov 2020

Posted by in Alteration/Crafty, by Matt, red hair

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One of my favorite things ever is when I get this wind of inspiration to do a shoot in whatever I’m wearing at the time. Just a feeling of motivation, prepping me for those days where I’m just really doing well in terms of my flow. Some days don’t have that kind of wind, but I can always rework what I’m dealing with. For example, it’s been a while since I’ve posted this blog post & I just now came back rewrite it a little. I think I’ve got the hang of this by this point. Now granted, I know the first photo of this blog post is me with red hair again, like a lot of my older posts. And in a lot of posts both before & after this was either blonde or back to brown, so this post doesn’t really weave the best looking timeline, but I promise you to trust me. Like what days my hair was dyed verses fading to a rather blonde sometimes. That’s pretty great to me, actually. This photoshoot here was done in August 2019, and the other is from October 2020 – both with the same shredded shirt. But not to forget to mention, the side B photoshoot I did in my room this year to correspond with this photoshoot, had like 3 pictures of my outfit at my mom’s house so I finally live with her again. Exciting, actually! You’ll be seeing more of it as I go, but yeah, no more dad’s apartment. I definitely still lived with my dad when I first did No Tears Left pt.1, but we did the shoot in Bellevue (a wealthy city near Seattle). I got some really, very nice, good, pictures of my room this time around! So about that same shirt, No Tears Left To Cry, with a different tank top underneath (a grey one then a purple one) with my hair grown out from it’s dye and fading into the blonde balayage-growout. Basically I just really love these shoots, and my hair obviously has changed since summer of ’19, when I did plenty of good photoshoots from my red hair and to my blondes, too. So this dye job or a different one, of course, and my roots were tryin’ for it honestly, but I have a bunch different red haired photoshoots here if you’re wanting to check them out! I’ve had a few different kinds of hair colors and they all rocked differently. Such a timeline for my hair and the shoots I do with it and the many stages – like eras, of time or my life, plus the ‘processing of it all.

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Moodswings

27 Sunday Sep 2020

Posted by in by Matt, Collaboration, Form of Escape

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Today I have something really cool I’ve waited a year to post. For a long time this was actually the last photoshoot I had done before a big break in between the years but I’m finally getting it down. Moodswings is similar to Save Yourself in that it was inspired the same artist as Moodswings, who opened for Lights in August 2019. Tillie, is who it is. I included the shirt I got from the concert, but I also got a choker. What I really like about this photoshoot is that it’s another dark-outside type. Matt was the one I did this shoot with too, he took most of the pictures. So here’s this one! Sorry for the crazy order of my posts, but 2019 & 2020 went hand in hand for posting because I was trying to fill in wherever I did a photoshoot that I never posted. So the cool thing about my tiled galleries is they speak volumes, like whether or not in order. So Moodswings was an outside photoshoot of mine with another merch shirt from yet another concert.

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Solved The Problem

07 Friday Aug 2020

Posted by in by Matt, Glam

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Something I should’ve always probably done is explain both sides of my coin. Solution verses efforts, and a reflection of progress on both sides of the pursuit, like how some posts have the best groups of pictures and others are written very well! But every time there’s a loose key like “I took these pictures way too long ago/something has changed since then” or “I can barely think of what to write but once I start going I’m inspired to”. The dangers of that to me were just taking a little too long to run on a sentence. I’d rather run water right about now. This fun cherry red scalp photoshoot is a good representation of something. Whether it’s cycling or adjustments I usually end up finding a way to one of the 3 main things to do…Writing, Shooting, or Editing. Photoshoots like mine are starting to mean the world to me, I can’t believe how long it’s taken me to realize some of these things. Like even though there’s no 2020 to this post I’m probably still writing this in late 2020. But it could go anywhere! Here I’ll keep my Conscious Notes & Skid Marks here to prove something. Like how I think A Lonely Play of Cards was still almost my playlist back when I did this shoot. Or how much advice I’ve secretly taken from people about my blog or what I’ve even sent about it before I ever posted about these things. Then pictures like this don’t become stale to me actually! And advice is a small difference between “I’ve read it finally!” and how most people who don’t mind talking to me about blogging get way more interesting of chimes with me than people who don’t care. But the thing is I have plenty of people to talk to these days (finally) about my blog! Exclusive verses excluded pictures, outtakes! My favorite one in context or what I’m working on right now. My recent playlist or my favorite one of the era. Recent playlists to me are usually supposed to take your recently added music, draw shapes into titles and names, and then shuffle the playlist once it’s filled out. To create that formula. There was a point in time where I did In Star Style but that ended in like, August, and then after that I created Expression as a top playlist but it doesn’t have as many tracks as my old ones! Even all my A named playlists have over 100-200 tracks of them, respectively. But when working on a vibe of one thing it wouldn’t matter that it was mostly K.Flay who I listened around then, or at least that’s what I was thinkin’. 2019 was a great year for that. But the thing about playlists verses era is I’m really good at grinding out reasons to do anything. So I’m naming this that and just going to throw it up there.

Brainstorming – August to November 2020 Mark

Save Yourself vs. That Bitch in terms of amount; 36 to 58 just to only 19 edits

Plus Save Yourself + Display 2019, 100+s but Full Sized Solved Shoot Stuck

Full-Sized Picture Collages, One Featured Photoshoot

August 15th, 2019
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it’s not u, it’s Me

13 Friday Dec 2019

Posted by in Appreciation, by Matt, Collaboration

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Well I would say that it’s been a while. One year of photoshoots and I’ve completely altered my point of view of myself. I started off struggling to keep a rhythm with how I felt everyday, and yet I was so rhythmic with my blogging to the point of 4-5 posts a month, writing and photoshooting for days, and then a halt! I felt supremely lost and yet still fucking found a way to do my photoshoots until like this summer. That’s kind of when I stepped back to realize that I’ve posted 3 blog posts this year. What does this mean? The entity of suppression. It’s like, some sort of mix between writer’s block and low-self image of my writing intention, in my head? Does that make any sense? Like I do these photoshoots that I think are rad and fun, but I have this sort of suppressive depressive stupid way of not wanting to let the words flow naturally. So as torturous as this year has been for this blog, at least I’m learning to appreciate myself and my photoshoots alll over again. However, taking extra time on this blog post also kinda forced me to think about the SOURCE of the INSPIRATION, not just musically but like, Bea Miller is more than a 20-year-old “That BITCH” kinda lady who rocks out in Seattle twice a year, has pink hair and only wants to feel something, but she’s also a formerly brunette teenage rockstar who released a non-apologetic album at age 15, has grown up into a world of technology and creativity and chooses to associate herself with rad people who ‘chill her vibe’ and accentuate her colors (PINK) and I’ve learned so much about this woman through listening and appreciating. Or, like, cheering. In a crowd. Either way, what started out as me loving her second album Aurora turned into something all the way Outside with Flights of Fancy. What does that even mean anyway?! Outside was like the first song from Bea that inspired me to do a photoshoot, I literally had the song on loop x4 or something outside smoking cigarettes and bending over backwards making funny faces because I was outside, being sassy, bragging about kitchen-table-coffee and also still admiring my fave song from that album. Explains why I got the hand-written lyric sheet for it. (; Okay more about Bea Merch eventually–basically I liked jamming to that song & doing the photoshoot so much that I decided to buy a yellow jumper and even calculated the reprecussions, somehow finding ways to make 3 different chapters speak colorful volumes. I love that words and colors and outfits like to go hand in hand, and even though Aurora is technically older news after a handful of singles this year, I still really love that I did this! At first I was really trying to hone in the album and songs and shit as inspiration but the more fun it got with all those Seattle shoots the more I just really appreciated that Bea is like, a lot like me, in the sense that this entire year of writer’s block all I’ve wanted to do was FEEL something. So many different states of mind and yet I still had to, like, choose between photoshoots or actually writing and completing my posts, so basically all year I’ve been minimalistic with expression, trying to find ways to even ‘create’ per say. BUT, I can finally master the rules I previously bent and find a way to create new chapters out of 2018 outfits that were originally inspired by this bitch! Hey, I’ve had worse years of creative flow. You just wouldn’t BEA-lieve how this girl has pushed forward the stream’s current!

it's not u, it's me.JPG

Here’s a sort of recap. So I can’t tell if that’s impressive or oppressive at this point but it’s all the same, rehab in California went fantastic, stayed a month and a half and am now trying to find a way to be less bored and more motivated! But basically May 2018 I started a rough draft of this whole project and after a hectic life of faux crime, writer’s block, stressful evictions and walking in circles, I’m finally back to say something here. Finally. Back bitches. And it’s this Bea Miller post! That I finally get to come back with! My returning debut! Finally or something! I worked pretty dang hard with these shoots. Journey begins probably when apathy is gone, I’m gettin’ there, slowly and surely? Actually pretty freakin’ proud. Want to check it out?

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MISS UNDERSTOOD.

19 Thursday Sep 2019

Posted by in by Matt, Collaboration, Glam

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Welcome again to another Miss Understood! Missy was a post I did from this one Idaho shoot and so I was going to file this one back too because it’s old but also featured Matt. So he was wondering after I posted the last one when I was going to get to these ones. I finally am actually, totally just with this shoot I did a little earlier that year. To do it justice it’s finally just one solo shoot, so Miss Understood is a good one finally! I’m finally getting these down. The dress/skirt shirt outfit is from Dolls Kill along with the earrings. I’m definitely going to do another shoot of this same outfit some other time so hopefully people get to seeing this enough for input.

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EXPECTATIONS.

17 Wednesday Jul 2019

Posted by in Appreciation, by Matt, Empowerment, Form of Escape, miss understood

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In July of last year, with the last month of my blog before everything became life changing, I had this concept post locked & loaded and was super excited about it. This is the one year anticipated Expectations post, inspired by Bebe Rexha’s incredible and relatable album, Expectations. Track one, opening video; Ferrari, non-pre-choreographed (AKA I made it up on the spot) this was done summer 2018. Featuring the opening track on Bebe’s Expectations album, Ferrari! I gotta say, this month it’s been insanely hectic with different variables and changes of what my Expectations are for myself, for my blog, and for my relationship. Like wow that’s a crap ton when put in perspective. But how I’ve always perceived myself was usually in it’s own innocent way that was infallible time and time again, even when the world pushed me into little corners and stuff like that as if I really am this little girl – how was I ever to get free? I had to like, free myself somehow…Kinda like my Dazey dancing lol, I love the free way I feel when I get to express myself with things like dancing, aww, if only I had dressed cuter though…? Anyway it’s been so long but I’m still going back to fix this post because finally I’m ready to face myself and start blogging way more and expect nothing less from myself because everyday’s a blur but hey I’m here to get better and better as the beautiful soul I am.

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GENIE 2.0

10 Sunday Feb 2019

Posted by in by Matt, Collaboration, Glam

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Hey everyone. It’s insane that I haven’t posted since the end of July. At that point is when I first hung out with Matt the night after getting home from my Idaho trip, and that was pretty insane. Because I basically walked into his place and then bam, from then on out we were always together and consuming eachother. We got kicked out of his apartment and we woke up one day at my dads to find out we couldn’t go back there, so surprise! We had nowhere to live except with my dad. We would sit in my room, doing nothing doing everything, feeding eachother to keep us alive and also tearing each other down in every whirlwind of dialogue. Does this sound like it’s getting personal? It’s so factually real and has been my life every month since August until January, and then half of February. I’m not saying it’s over or that we’re still together. I’m saying I’m sitting in my room alone getting everything done that’s months overdue, and I’m starting to breathe. We can love people so hard but if it’s toxic with no breathing room, it will blow up. It always does. I need space to be me, and yet despite this intro paragraph depicting my graphic hiatus, this blog post will be about me, the genie in the bottle, inspired and aspiring to be me, from the last blogshoot that I never posted to the newest one I just took. Genie in a Bottle & Genie 2.0, inspired from yet again the genie concept.

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