Today I have something really cool I’ve waited a year to post. For a long time this was actually the last photoshoot I had done before a big break in between the years but I’m finally getting it down. Moodswings is similar to Save Yourself in that it was inspired the same artist as Moodswings, who opened for Lights in August 2019. Tillie, is who it is. I included the shirt I got from the concert, but I also got a choker. What I really like about this photoshoot is that it’s another dark-outside type. Matt was the one I did this shoot with too, he took most of the pictures. So here’s this one! Sorry for the crazy order of my posts, but 2019 & 2020 went hand in hand for posting because I was trying to fill in wherever I did a photoshoot that I never posted. So the cool thing about my tiled galleries is they speak volumes, like whether or not in order. So Moodswings was an outside photoshoot of mine with another merch shirt from yet another concert.
One of the next old photoshoots I have left is this one inspired by Miley’s She Is Coming EP that I was probably listening to – I called it Dream actually. So Die Hard Dream is another I’m throwing up and it’s more about how I looked with the cigarette vs. the weed, why I had both is something I actually really miss sometimes but you’ll see once I show the shoot why it’s a little different actually. So my dream (cont.) is to be in this stabilized mindset of inspiration. I’m naturally really inspired but there’s a halt sometimes. Things like this are like the kind of glue that makes you work right.
In July of last year, with the last month of my blog before everything became life changing, I had this concept post locked & loaded and was super excited about it. This is the one year anticipated Expectations post, inspired by Bebe Rexha’s incredible and relatable album, Expectations. Track one, opening video; Ferrari, non-pre-choreographed (AKA I made it up on the spot) this was done summer 2018. Featuring the opening track on Bebe’s Expectations album, Ferrari! I gotta say, this month it’s been insanely hectic with different variables and changes of what my Expectations are for myself, for my blog, and for my relationship. Like wow that’s a crap ton when put in perspective. But how I’ve always perceived myself was usually in it’s own innocent way that was infallible time and time again, even when the world pushed me into little corners and stuff like that as if I really am this little girl – how was I ever to get free? I had to like, free myself somehow…Kinda like my Dazey dancing lol, I love the free way I feel when I get to express myself with things like dancing, aww, if only I had dressed cuter though…? Anyway it’s been so long but I’m still going back to fix this post because finally I’m ready to face myself and start blogging way more and expect nothing less from myself because everyday’s a blur but hey I’m here to get better and better as the beautiful soul I am.
Hey everyone, I’m pretty eager for this post today. The thing about my blogging hiatus was that I was still working on stuff even when I wasn’t posting for a while, actually. This post is a pretty good example for that, like how in 2018 I did approximately 40 different photoshoots for my blog. Including this one – that’s pretty good! What an accomplishment. But then, mid-way through the year, I started kind of…struggling, with blogging. I kind of bailed and stopped posting for a while after my trip to Idaho, or maybe just surrounding it. That’s when I slowed down and stopped really posting for a while. To explain why would defeat some of the purpose of Liberation, but I’m going to definitely try to explain the whole thing. Anyway, I had half-assed this blog post in the past and I’ve decided I better try again with it because it did not feel good to keep this post half finished like that. So I’ve decided to better it. You’d never guess exactly when I was writing this from, but I can really make it work. Liberation was a photoshoot that I did while I was living with Matt in his apartment, up against his dirty mirror. Yes the mirror was dirty, and I was wearing my Liberation shirt from the Target shirt + CD Bundle by Christina Aguilera. I got some okay pictures of the shirt, no huge whoop. But, either way. Might as well get on to it, let’s check it out. And PS. – for the entire year of 2019, I only did about 20 photoshoots, and as for 2020 I did 8 of them. For the entire years. I’ll be able to ramp back up eventually though. There’s no way that I’m ever going to sluff like that again, hahaha. Anyway, this photoshoot was cool, Matt nowhere to be found but I was definitely doing that shoot in his room, my Xtina collage even makes an appearance. So let’s get this going! End of the year 2018 exclusive blog post for Liberation. I even dated this post the same date as it was when I took the pictures.
Good morning world, and everyone reading. I’m back from another sabbatical leap away from the real world, hiding like a genie in a bottle after you’re done drinking – no but really, I’m back in the real world again. Trying to remember what I want my priorities to be, how I can infuse them into every conversation I have with anyone… That’s actually pretty awesome. I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to the subject of my last couple of weeks. I did this shoot and developed this concept in June, the heighth of my dark-red vixen days, inspired by the cool and re-exhumed idea of the Genie in a Bottle. The Xtina concept/version, of course. This kinda thing was born when I noticed the shirt on Nasty Gal was titled Genie in a Bottle. Come on and set me free! How did I even survive this time lol tf.
Hey guys, this past month I was truly reborn. Slowly but surely my dreams are coming true in the strangest, slowest, confusingest ways possible. So the last day of May I dyed my hair this gorgeous dimensional red and I’m obsessed…with that and my labret lip piercing and I finally felt motivation to write today before the crew comes over and helps me do my greatest comeback shoot. Because here’s the thing. Waiting in my queue was basically just some pics of merch, pics of me in my merch and other gadgets, a couple pics of me with my snake, so I want to cram all of this into one so I can 1. Show you guys this cool stuff — it was put in the queue for a reason. Like each of these, or at least half, were supposed to get spotlight blog posts. But now that’s not what’s happening. I want to take you guys on a journey and show you these loads of merch and a couple other cool things about my last blogshoot days of being brunette. Like how I was for 19 years. I have new stories to share, new craziness or possible excitement to share… And now I get to finish cleaning my room before my peeps arrive and that will start this whole big deal and everyone is excited. Like it’s really super cool that people are this excited about being in my blogshoot. It means freakin’ hella! I’m proud of myself and my blog. The last couple of weeks I sunk into one of the deepest depressions of my life…And after a little support, some new friends, a crazy life hijacking twisty-turny slide, a breakup, a few people to get to know better, like 10 mini rocks later given to people and picked out specially with ones that I feel like resonated with that person, even though each time I gave someone a rock it was my way of saying greetings beautiful stranger, I can tell you’re fuckin’ special. Greetings humans, I want nothing but to treat y’all with love and respect. Pluuuus++++ drugs. Producing music videos. Reaching out of my comfort zone. Dangerous stunts. Learning the way to not take things personally. Understanding people. Missing people. Finding myself. And then there’s also that time that I got pics of my little booty in my Lights booty shorts, too.
Captain Lights booty shorts, Lights Merch 2017
Custom Etsy made No Doubt pinback hairbow from 2013
What do I do when I get tired of all these flights of fancies? What do I do when I’m no longer living for myself, the only real reason I spent the last 19 years alive? When it gets out of hand, and when nobody knows, it can get to you to tire, make you feel like you’re just living to expire. Every word I say sounds the same & I stared blankly at this post for 9 hours with nothing to think and no words to produce and now that I’ve hit rock bottom — of the day — I’m ready to say these things in this manner. Is this a poem or am I trying to write a song or is this just me thinking from a perspective that isn’t usually available for me to dwindle with each day? Like a new snapchat filter that you only use sometimes. A door that you always lose the key to, so long that you forget what lies behind. I found the key and all I can remember is forgetting what it’s for. So come and take a walk with me, let’s sort this out, let’s organize it piece by piece until we find some motherfreakin’ peace. Let’s make the stupid kill-arettes dance in the air, waving like a red beam of give-and-bend light: I’m ready to slay this shoot, are you ready to get my point? Get ready because this was the last photoshoot I did before a series of unjust upside-down twisty-turn slides down into the bottom pit of this ‘real‘ life. Continue reading below for a poetic explanation of how uncool the night of April 12th was and how April 13th ruined my life.
I can’t see anything in the snow. I can’t see anything except the cold feel on my skin, or the crunch of ice beneath whatever shoes and their level of practicality for the day. I wiggle my toes to see if they’re still there, and they are. And I’m also still breathing. When I take my deepest breath and look around I can learn to see and feel at the same time, but as you may or may not have noticed that’s not a usual thing for people to have adapted yet in regular situations. I embrace the newfound form of my third eye and be thankful I have any eyes. I hear music, and it’s my brothers, and it sounds different than what plays from my speaker. From my heart to my head to my body mind and soul, I hear/feel/see/touch/think/observe differently. But there’s a way to go from So Blind in the Snow (snowblind) to what I’ll introduce to you as “so kind to let it show”. So let me introduce you to not only allll the amethyst stuff I’m wearing from Amethyst Dreams but let me unblind y’all or something. No basically I’ll just show you the Snowblind words and break them down and let you know how I’m feeling and what I’ve overcome with just thinking of my own personal right to have power and feel strength. Blog it baby one more time.
I have a lot of Lights merch. At one point, I want to catalog all of it, an have it in an organized way where it can be found in the abyss of my other millions of tags and categories of this site. I decided to do a shoot with this Lights shirt that I got that is from her first era, The Listening album, and at first I wanted to make the post about the Listening era/album but the shoot spoke to me as Everybody Breaks A Glass. What I was going through, what I’ve learned and what I’m going through, it really ties into this song. Especially with the state I was in while shooting this outfit. So I got dolled up and ready to shoot this awesome outfit outside infront of these insentient cars, playing around with the sun’s glorious and hidden lighting; and with all of that, I do have a message to share with y’all.
Good morning all. Things have been kinda crazy for me lately. Lots of emotion and confusion, but at least I have people in my life who are caring of me. It makes me feel hugged and loved. No matter what I go through I have my fam and sometimes some other surprising characters in the mix and I don’t think anyone truly understands how we bring each other up. Anyway, I thought it was finally about time to post about Madii & I’s photoshoot, which involved chilling in her room. Seems like a weirdass name but I promise you it makes sense…to me. Lol, continue reading.