My life has always been some combination of change and consistencies, the things that kept me balanced or taught me some skill to stay on track. Recently a lot of things have piled up, but at first I really thought it would be something I couldn’t handle or shouldn’t have to deal with. I’m stuck doing these meetings all the time, two different kinds, and I wasn’t expecting to be busy 5 days of the week every day for a while but that’s what it looks like. Something my dad was talking to me about recently was how life throws so many things at you that are unexpected but obviously this teaches you resilience and him and I both agree that we’re good at those kinds of throws from life, just knowing the ground we stand on and how stable we are through the most of it. We also talked a lot about regret this past month and it really said something to me, the way these things would pile on top of me. I’d like, go through all of it and wonder how to sit there and look back at it without it pulling my hair, really. Those two things are something I’m talking about here, but I’ve really relieved a lot of pressure in my life and in my mind by having these conversations with him. Now I love going to these meetings, with every piece of my heart, and I’m back to wearing my heels all the time and putting on my lipsticks. My outfits rock these days and this is my 4th week in a row that I’ve had something to do and somewhere to go every single day of the week. I really absolutely love where I’m at, where I’ve finally gotten into in life, and I’m just having so much fun and actually getting things out of these meetings! I love that I get out and do these things, and even if I haven’t blogged as much recently I still post every fucking month, so I’m not slacking too hard even though I’m way busier now. I feel like I really can create this direction in my life with these toolkits I have gotten from all these meetings, and I have this persistence now that I want to keep up with as I go. I’ve made a bunch of good decisions in the midst of the stupid mistakes that I’ve been throwing in there to tag the regret, but I really see what I chose in life and what good it brings me to be here at this point in time. I believe I’m the person I am because I could be, and because I want to be, every single day of my life and that helps a lot when I’m building myself. I spend a lot of time working on myself these days and I really have everything I need finally, and I’m really proud of this photoshoot! I called it Death Row after the Bebe Rexha song, because I have finally hit a point in my life this week where I really understood and just got it, what I’m doing here. Something clicked in my brain shortly after doing this shoot and I am definitely excited about my future. I see what making changes in your life does, and I feel this positive energy that I keep loving and wanting to express, so I will creatively finally. I really see why I got to this point in my life.Continue reading
Good afternoon all! It’s a beautiful day this spring and I’m coming at you with yet another blog post. This one was pretty cool, I call it Elephants because I have some rad elephant leggings that I love with all my heart. I got them from Goodwill actually, a good find. Some of the comfiest leggings I have ever worn, even. I just did this shoot in my room, by myself of course. I’m getting pretty good at consistently posting and shooting. I’ve also been doing pretty well, doing a lot for myself these days. I’m excited about this! The carnelian necklace is one of my favorite necklaces, I got it from a rock store in Idaho in 2018. I’m surprised I’ve never done a photoshoot with carnelian, I checked and couldn’t even find my carnelian bracelet on anything. Oh well, I have this big long list of all the clothes I have that I need to shoot, and I work on it pretty frequently. I have so many clothes I’ve never blogged about, it’s crazy. But I’m ramping up with getting them all into photoshoots. I should shoot merch more, again, but I’ve got too many normal clothes I’m working with first. So we’ll see how that plays out, I’ve got a head full of ideas these days. The boots I’m wearing, these heeled grey boots, are from Shoedazzle. I bought them while I was in rehab, had them shipped to the place (in California). I got three pairs of shoes that time, and you’ll see them all soon in future photoshoots. That was in September 2019, for those shoes (& rehab). I’ll eventually get pictures with all of them, but for now I’m just starting out with the grey boots. Stay tuned for more soon. Let’s get into this!Continue reading
In 2018 & 2019 I was taking some breaks from blogging. But in the midst of it I did Genie in a Bottle & Genie 2.0. Now I’m back with another Genie inspired post but it’s not capitalized like those are. I’ve also had this outfit since the spring of 2019 or so (2 years ago!) and just now finally have it shot. I’ve got a lot going on for photoshoots & posts for the year 2021 so I’m catching up. I finally did this photoshoot with this genie shirt, Rub Me The Right Way. It’s from Dolls Kill of course. I still have one more shirt from this order left to do, so that’ll be later this year. I’m ramping up with photoshoots so I should be posting a lot more these days to get these shoots up. It was fun doing this with Matt, he manned my camera this time. I love that this is my third genie shoot. I even included this genie’s bottle purse for this, plus I’m wearing the same choker the model was wearing for this shirt. That’s a cool bonus. I’m really proud of this outfit. And to piggy-back on to my last blog post, yes I still have crazy dreams, and yes this is my get-out-all-the-time blog post. Matt and I have been hanging out really doing some stuff these days, so he’s top on my list of people. Maybe I seem like I critique too much (mostly with myself, actually) but people like him remind me of where I’m at in life. I’ll definitely zero in on that a little more later in this post, because I have a bunch to say about how things are for me now. I’ve been working out a lot too so of course my dad and I are building ourselves better by the day. I really love how things are going for me these days. I’ve been granting my wishes.Continue reading
In the many years that I’ve been blogging, I’ve had a lot to say. Now that it’s 2021 and I’ve cut my hair I’ve been excited to come back with a story. In 2015 I started blogging with a graphic tee shoot and money leggings. I still have both of those to this day and I’m now 22! I was 16 for that. I even got a few new graphic tees to do more shoots with eventually, starting with this rad blue angel one from my friend. There’s a new Coca-Cola shoot coming eventually too. It’s a different one than that OG one (I called that post Original Gangstress). I’m almost done doing graphic tees for a while too, but for now here’s Angel Like Me. Loosely inspired by a Miley Cyrus song, Angel Like You. I can’t wait to show you more this year. With the first thing I posted now near the end of the year, Emotional Support, I was just finishing up on the rest of the 2020 photoshoots I had left in stock. Now, after the last haircut that I got, I’m finally prepared to do more photoshoots, so hopefully this year can be abundant. I’m excited to see how it goes. My goal for this year is at least 10 good posts. This is basically the first of the year, in terms of a blog post. Like I said, eventually it won’t be just graphic tees but I have so many that I’m excited to do them. And for my hair, once it starts growing again I’m going to dye it to match a set of extensions. So that’s all coming up, we’ll see how long it really takes me to get there. I’ve got not much going on but blogging ahead!Continue reading
The thing I love the most about this photoshoot is that beyond my red hair being a draw, I was really able to express myself. Maybe painting the picture & including red is sometimes the point, almost like just in this room I’ve done an almost-blonde shoot that spoke very differently about me. And I did this myself! It is definitely 2020 that I’m doing this, with a point to be throw across from August 2019 – I can’t even believe how much I have to express about this one though. Without pressure, without self-deprecation or judgement, I can post a photoshoot like this and spit it back like it’s resounding. And as for this concert tee, or this concert, which was incredible, I’m really glad to be sporting the red hair with it like Lights and her bright red hair & coordinating merchandise. The concert was incredible, so glad I did a shoot for the shirt. So at least I have this photoshoot to post! It is a long photoshoot. Haha.
I always thought there was a million different ways to wear my graphic tees/merchandise styles. I have way too many photoshoots of merchandise shirts and I’m going to go through all the posts in bulk one day and dissect them for the pictures. That’ll be rad! Read more to see the rest of this shoot.Continue reading
So the thing about being almost completely blonde was that it was rad, but not intentional. I was super glad to get this shoot actually so I’m going to hide it on the front page with the red hair shoots. Not too much to say but I’m still making sure every good shoot got a good file. Like doing my nails better lately. I only have two 2019 shoots left to post and then I’m completely up to date! So let me show you this bitch. The good thing about That Almost Blonde was that I was really able to get these pictures in before my hair was dyed red again, like how I’ve been doing it since 2018. This is one of the only photoshoots about that so I didn’t write it too in depth it’s just supposed to speak for itself. Blonde, right? This came right before Solved the Problem.Continue reading
Like a slow drive that I desperately know, I hope this gives me everything I’m missing. Hippie Sabotage used to be what I called this photoshoot until I actually wanted to post it. Honestly, I see why I was going to, but that’s just not quite the right idea. Now I kind of am posting it, right before Die Hard Dreamer, which was better. So working on my old riddled queue, that has become stale but used to carry the image of passion. I really believe that with some of them. Hopefully I can be what I need until I’m over with because on a slow drive to me is gears churning. But wow I can really write like in these weird ways, or states. Either way! I’ve sure been re-editing a lot though, so that’s interesting. This is what I’d like to call this Shopping Cart Shoot! (it’s for the rather) I always liked the concept of shopping carts for Shop For Days, honestly. Thought it made sense like that, and since I had found this stray shopping cart just around back out the apartments (complex) by the ol’ 711, abandoned Hooter’s type place, and a smoke shop just down the road. This is a little bit farther out for the photoshoot than some of the other ones I did around dad’s, like the other few or so that were taken out here were good but they weren’t by that sign right there. That’s a good one, right?Continue reading
Well I would say that it’s been a while. One year of photoshoots and I’ve completely altered my point of view of myself. I started off struggling to keep a rhythm with how I felt everyday, and yet I was so rhythmic with my blogging to the point of 4-5 posts a month, writing and photoshooting for days, and then a halt! I felt supremely lost and yet still fucking found a way to do my photoshoots until like this summer. That’s kind of when I stepped back to realize that I’ve posted 3 blog posts this year. What does this mean? The entity of suppression. It’s like, some sort of mix between writer’s block and low-self image of my writing intention, in my head? Does that make any sense? Like I do these photoshoots that I think are rad and fun, but I have this sort of suppressive depressive stupid way of not wanting to let the words flow naturally. So as torturous as this year has been for this blog, at least I’m learning to appreciate myself and my photoshoots alll over again. However, taking extra time on this blog post also kinda forced me to think about the SOURCE of the INSPIRATION, not just musically but like, Bea Miller is more than a 20-year-old “That BITCH” kinda lady who rocks out in Seattle twice a year, has pink hair and only wants to feel something, but she’s also a formerly brunette teenage rockstar who released a non-apologetic album at age 15, has grown up into a world of technology and creativity and chooses to associate herself with rad people who ‘chill her vibe’ and accentuate her colors (PINK) and I’ve learned so much about this woman through listening and appreciating. Or, like, cheering. In a crowd. Either way, what started out as me loving her second album Aurora turned into something all the way Outside with Flights of Fancy. What does that even mean anyway?! Outside was like the first song from Bea that inspired me to do a photoshoot, I literally had the song on loop x4 or something outside smoking cigarettes and bending over backwards making funny faces because I was outside, being sassy, bragging about kitchen-table-coffee and also still admiring my fave song from that album. Explains why I got the hand-written lyric sheet for it. (; Okay more about Bea Merch eventually–basically I liked jamming to that song & doing the photoshoot so much that I decided to buy a yellow jumper and even calculated the reprecussions, somehow finding ways to make 3 different chapters speak colorful volumes. I love that words and colors and outfits like to go hand in hand, and even though Aurora is technically older news after a handful of singles this year, I still really love that I did this! At first I was really trying to hone in the album and songs and shit as inspiration but the more fun it got with all those Seattle shoots the more I just really appreciated that Bea is like, a lot like me, in the sense that this entire year of writer’s block all I’ve wanted to do was FEEL something. So many different states of mind and yet I still had to, like, choose between photoshoots or actually writing and completing my posts, so basically all year I’ve been minimalistic with expression, trying to find ways to even ‘create’ per say. BUT, I can finally master the rules I previously bent and find a way to create new chapters out of 2018 outfits that were originally inspired by this bitch! Hey, I’ve had worse years of creative flow. You just wouldn’t BEA-lieve how this girl has pushed forward the stream’s current!
Here’s a sort of recap. So I can’t tell if that’s impressive or oppressive at this point but it’s all the same, rehab in California went fantastic, stayed a month and a half and am now trying to find a way to be less bored and more motivated! But basically May 2018 I started a rough draft of this whole project and after a hectic life of faux crime, writer’s block, stressful evictions and walking in circles, I’m finally back to say something here. Finally. Back bitches. And it’s this Bea Miller post! That I finally get to come back with! My returning debut! Finally or something! I worked pretty dang hard with these shoots. Journey begins probably when apathy is gone, I’m gettin’ there, slowly and surely? Actually pretty freakin’ proud. Want to check it out?
Apparently this was a July of auburn hair. The red was on it’s way out and the blonde & the bleaching lifted it to this almost auburn color. Not all the time between bleach and red did I have the best of my hair, but I’ve always liked how mellow this looked with that typical salt crystal in every bedroom picture I take. And let me tell you, that the halfway off my bed shoots were always some of my favorites over time. Just like the back of my Shop For Days business cards. Well, I came back to change some of the writing of this post before I push forward with the next one, so for now just know that eventually all of this will have paid off, & I’m proud to be sitting here now working on another piece to post. So basically these were the now ‘customized’ painted jeans that my friend, Julian, helped me wreck with paint (maybe acrylic) and even got a good hand-print shaped green splatter near my ass, that one was artsy. Originally these pants were not mine, but they were given to me by my ex-girl, actually. And of course, the bleached t-shirt that Zoey, another friend of mine, had done herself. She bleached the dopamine molecule into the front of this black crop top. Loved it, wanted it, and I gave up to her my Hustlers tube top because it looked better on her than me. Check this out, I wonder if she still has it honestly. That’s a good quality question. Generally speaking, I’m thankful for both of these things here but you have no idea how cycling works of my closet without understanding the hitting the hilt with different timing, thing. Seriously, I’ll get better at coordinating these things, working on them one day to the next, at a time. So that’s pretty much how I work, for real. For now, you go, girl! Red sneakers, I thought these were perfect for me as a blogger. I actually got the shoes from Josh’s place, he let me help him organize this ex-girl’s old clothes of hers that he still had.Continue reading
In July of last year, with the last month of my blog before everything became life changing, I had this concept post locked & loaded and was super excited about it. This is the one year anticipated Expectations post, inspired by Bebe Rexha’s incredible and relatable album, Expectations. Track one, opening video; Ferrari, non-pre-choreographed (AKA I made it up on the spot) this was done summer 2018. Featuring the opening track on Bebe’s Expectations album, Ferrari! I gotta say, this month it’s been insanely hectic with different variables and changes of what my Expectations are for myself, for my blog, and for my relationship. Like wow that’s a crap ton when put in perspective. But how I’ve always perceived myself was usually in it’s own innocent way that was infallible time and time again, even when the world pushed me into little corners and stuff like that as if I really am this little girl – how was I ever to get free? I had to like, free myself somehow…Kinda like my Dazey dancing lol, I love the free way I feel when I get to express myself with things like dancing, aww, if only I had dressed cuter though…? Anyway it’s been so long but I’m still going back to fix this post because finally I’m ready to face myself and start blogging way more and expect nothing less from myself because everyday’s a blur but hey I’m here to get better and better as the beautiful soul I am.