Good afternoon to everyone checking out this blog post whenever you are, I hope your day is going good! I’ve been doing well these days, and I’m really glad I’ve finally picked up my speed with blogging a bit with another post out again. I think everything is going really well for this year, and I’m glad I’m finishing February up with this particular post, I think the photoshoot and everything turned out really great for it. For this blog post, I was able to get the shoot done yesterday and now I’m writing it today, so that’s great time to be getting it up already. For the photoshoot, I decided to shoot this cute Tokyo shirt that I got with my boyfriend from Goodwill some amount of months ago, and the tag it has on it says it’s from Forever21 actually. I think it’s an awesome long-sleeve shirt of mine, also technically a crop-top, and I’m so excited that I found it there and finally got the shoot done for it! It’s yet another one I ended up doing around my room, but I like the angles and shots I got a lot so it really works here as well. Soon enough I’ll get out and do another photoshoot with Matt again, like a few we did last year, but I’m not entirely sure when. I just like what I’ve been getting done around here, I’m pretty proud of everything in the last couple of months. I’m excited for it to finally be spring next month though! I’ve had a good winter and everything, and a good start to my new year and everything. With the momentum I’ve had going on so far this year, I’m excited to see how things will further unfold as I go, because everything’s looking like it’s heading in a good direction so far with all of the context clues and everything. I love the outfits I wear on a typical day sometimes too, so that’s something that will help me with some photoshoots later on and all. I’m pretty glad about how I’ve been doing with that too, getting out of the house and everything enough with it! Now let’s checkout this new shoot I was working on next.Continue reading
I can’t see anything in the snow. I can’t see anything except the cold feel on my skin, or the crunch of ice beneath whatever shoes and their level of practicality for the day. I wiggle my toes to see if they’re still there, and they are. And I’m also still breathing. When I take my deepest breath and look around I can learn to see and feel at the same time, but as you may or may not have noticed that’s not a usual thing for people to have adapted yet in regular situations. I embrace the newfound form of my third eye and be thankful I have any eyes. I hear music, and it’s my brothers, and it sounds different than what plays from my speaker. From my heart to my head to my body mind and soul, I hear/feel/see/touch/think/observe differently. But there’s a way to go from So Blind in the Snow (snowblind) to what I’ll introduce to you as “so kind to let it show”. So let me introduce you to not only allll the amethyst stuff I’m wearing from Amethyst Dreams but let me unblind y’all or something. No basically I’ll just show you the Snowblind words and break them down and let you know how I’m feeling and what I’ve overcome with just thinking of my own personal right to have power and feel strength. Blog it baby one more time.
“Waited a long time for this, feels right now
Allow me to introduce myself. Want you to come a little closer. I’d like you to get to know me better. Meet the real me.” – Stripped pt. 1 (track 1)
I’m in love with Christina Aguilera‘s second album Stripped right now, because each song has played such a big role in the last month that I’ve been dwelling on it, and applying it gently to my situations and creating new perspectives here and there. I’m a lot more aware in so many ways. When I did this shoot I named it Keep On Singin’ My Song because that was the most relatable at that moment, and the way I related to it was on the tail-end of getting over some stupid crap in my life. After March 18th, one of the most beautiful and sentimental and fun and adventurous nights of my life, I finally got my closure, but earlier this month, the only thing that kept me going was to keep on singing these songs. I’m breaking into the music shizz slowly and miss Ivy K. Green is going to help me as we write together (You Don’t Know) and I’m totally gonna have her help me cover some songs for her. I got closure, but now I’m going to keep on singing my songs because I’m so twitter-patted and infatuated with this passionate & pure poison ivy/love of my life and makes taking risks look like just…living. As it should always look of course. Read more.
My dears, if you know my mom and I, you know how we are. And I hope that with every person we come in contact with, we show them how we love. I think my mom raised me with so much love and taught me love until around this age where now I think we both teach each other more about love and understanding every day. I know I posted that small thing on Facebook that everyone thought was sweet about her and I, however that was just one piece of what I was gonna throw in this post at some point, so if you read that, well…Read this. 😉 The story begins with – like I said, – love and kindness and compassion, and the fact that she is fun with me and yet still has lots of respect for my intellect is like…the best feeling in the entire world. It’s hard to feel alone when even just your mom/ConBon brings the energy of a concert (without the negativity) into whatever room. So I guess you could say we’re besties.
When I was younger, I used to count how many Christmas presents I got each year. Christmas was all about the excitement of what I was getting. I loved my family, we were sweet to each other and were brought together in a humble way, however in addition to that, I appreciated and loved everything I got so much! I didn’t always expect too much, and mostly I just wanted to stress the fact that I was so so so grateful for everything that they did: Spending money on presents, letting Santa set up a big display when I was in to Bratz dolls with the big baby doll with our stockings full and set up next, spending time or thought on what we could even like, or even just getting us anything no matter how stressful or careless the thought was. I’m so grateful! And as the years go on, I get more and more and MORE excited about giving gifts, rather than receiving–Actually, that’s not quite true. I love receiving gifts because it just touches my heart so sweetly knowing someone thought of me even for a second when they saw something or they remembered something I briefly told them or if it’s just something that THEY wanted me to have, it’s all so fun to me. So yes I like to receive because I’m so thankful for all the thought put into things. Even if a gift I got wasn’t really my thing, if someone picked it out thinking maaaybe I might like it based off of what they know of me, then that alone is an incredibly sweet gesture. So, all that being said, this is my 19th Christmas, and I put so so much thought into the gifts I was giving. Usually a Christmas post would be me talking mostly about the gifts I got, which were thoughtful and adorable small but practical things (and not cheap things either, good quality things that will last me ages and that I adore) but that’s the least important part of this post. I want to tell you guys all about my experiences buying gifts for my family and Danon and whoever else I could, telling you the excitement of how I had things planned and sorted through ideas until I finally picked out specific things for everyone that I thought they would love. Not only that, but I tried to throw a little Abby-twist in there, because it’s cool to recieve gifts that you love that you normally wouldn’t even know to pick out, but I swear my mom is SOO excited about her gift and she wouldn’t ever have known to buy it for herself! I did some little things, I did some thoughtful things, and I want to get better at gift giving because it seriously is so fun to me…I think I’m like, already old enough to handle Christmas as a giver rather than playing the role as the main reciever, so maybe one day soon that’ll be up to me, in one way or another. 🙂 So now as I age, I feel more free, more real, and I’m gaining so much strength. So thank god for the power you gave me, and thank god for a White Christmas.
I wonder how many times I’m going to have to “grow up” before my eyes are really open. Just when I suspect I’ve figured something out, it’s like, surprise! And it’s a good thing! It’s like I was wearing sunglasses the whole time and forgot to take them off, making me miss details that I wasn’t ready to learn until the next time, when I was ready to see them. Strange metaphor, but it’s hardly a metaphor, more like an analogy. Either way, it’s great that I grow more and more every day. It’s great that I learn new things, it’s great when I stay humble, it’s amazing when I get stronger, it’s awesome when I find out how resilient I already am and even greater of a realization to see that I’m not done growing yet. Meaning, it’s like I have this shield I’ve built, and I think it’s a really cool shield like “wow this is much more powerful than using my arms for defense” and I get so caught up in thinking it’s just cool that things bounced off of it. Here’s the cool part, the part that you can sprinkle in your drinks in the morning to give you hope and keep you stronger. Every day that shield grows stronger, and of course things are still going to affect you, but you can choose the way it affects you. When it hits you but it hits your shield it gives you a chance to pick how to react. It gives you a chance to live for that moment, to retaliate in a beautiful way.
Show them all how strong you really are by rising above all of it. I can’t stop loving the fact that I get higher and higher but sometimes I get scared of falling. But the thing is, I’m not rising above the clouds with magical pixie dust taking me up, scaling largely above the USA, but I’m actually walking up stairs. On good days, it’s an elevator. Like when Danon surprised me for my birthday by taking me to the tallest building in the state, where we rose to level 73, and seeing how beautiful the city was really took a lot of my fear away. Around me was this sweethearted boy, people adoring the city, and a nice guy at the front desk. We were quiet but we were all in awe. And I think that that really is a great representation of what it’s like to be with someone like him and build my shield and armor but also build a catapult of LOVE, and yes him and I rise so high but I’m not scared at all. I feel safe, like this is exactly where I need to be. Being in that building there was no fear of falling, no fear of crashing from 73 floors, just seeing the beauty of the world from a level where we couldn’t be touched by them. None of the negativity, none of it could touch us, although I always seek the love wherever I can find it, and create it when I can’t. And that’s really the bottom line, that’s how we all should live, we should wake up in the mornings up high in a New York hotel or just excited in our own heads or jumping around the street because you like jumping like me, and not be scared at all of what could be below. We’re safe here, with all the amenities that come with growing into such valuable people. It’s your right as a person to grow with no fear, it’s your right to seek the love and cut off the fear, it’s your right and your strength to live as you breathe and I promise you that you will never reach a point in your life where you’re not worth that. Maybe celebrities can live in penthouses high in the sky, with all their money, and it’s probably beautiful, but honestly what’s incredibly beautiful to me is getting to know the people I love and my cat Milkshake. What’s beautiful to me is waking up after not having a nightmare, and realizing what’s to come all day. What’s beautiful to me is I’m still 73 floors high, risen above anything that shouldn’t touch me, so you could say I have my head in the clouds yet I’ve never been so coherent. I’ve never been so intuitive. I’ve never learned that I have THIS much left to learn, and I still haven’t learned a fraction of what I’m about to learn. Tomorrow, the next day, next year, and yesterday…Things to look forward to. Strength is a choice, and I know you’ve earned it.