Here it is, the last day of 2017. This is definitely pretty insane, I remember writing in January about how I know this year could be awesome, and man was I right. It was such an incredible journey and awakening for me as a person and in my growth. Today I want to create one final post for you guys for 2017 to go out with a bang, to represent my second FAVORITE album of the entire year, Tell Me You Love Me by Demi Lovato. I already did posts around my first and third favorite albums and I’ll link them. Now is time to tell you why you should tell Demi you love her. I did two shoots for this theme, one I named Sorry Not Sorry after her first single, and it was SUCH a fun shoot!! The second is named after the album title with the shirt/only merch I’ve gotten from the era so far. There will be more, there’s always more. 🙂
There’s so many incredible things in my life that even prove their credibility, and I think I hit the jackpot there. Things can get hard sometimes but then there are mini miracles here and there that shock me and excited me and prepare me for every aspect of the unknown. It’s pretty crazy and kinda cool, but the coolest thing is, every day I face multiple fears, and the whole year of 2017 I grew through so many milestones. Such a beautiful life! Now I want to show you guys a shoot I did not too long ago, called My House Your House. Named after a song from Angus & Julia Stone’s Snow album, which this photoshoot is inspired by. Your house, my house…Maybe this is where we belong. 🙂
When I was younger, I used to count how many Christmas presents I got each year. Christmas was all about the excitement of what I was getting. I loved my family, we were sweet to each other and were brought together in a humble way, however in addition to that, I appreciated and loved everything I got so much! I didn’t always expect too much, and mostly I just wanted to stress the fact that I was so so so grateful for everything that they did: Spending money on presents, letting Santa set up a big display when I was in to Bratz dolls with the big baby doll with our stockings full and set up next, spending time or thought on what we could even like, or even just getting us anything nomatter how stressful or careless the thought was. I’m so grateful! And as the years go on, I get more and more and MORE excited about giving gifts, rather than recieving–Actually, that’s not quite true. I love receiving gifts because it just touches my heart so sweetly knowing someone thought of me even for a second when they saw something or they remembered something I briefly told them or if it’s just something that THEY wanted me to have, it’s all so fun to me. So yes I like to receive because I’m so thankful for all the thought put into things. Even if a gift I got wasn’t really my thing, if someone picked it out thinking maaaybe I might like it based off of what they know of me, then that alone is an incredibly sweet gesture. So, all that being said, this is my 19th Christmas, and I put so so much thought into the gifts I was giving. Usually a Christmas post would be me talking mostly about the gifts I got, which were thoughtful and adorable small but practical things (and not cheap things either, good quality things that will last me ages and that I adore) but that’s the least important part of this post. I want to tell you guys all about my experiences buying gifts for my family and Danon and whoever else I could, telling you the excitement of how I had things planned and sorted through ideas until I finally picked out specific things for everyone that I thought they would love. Not only that, but I tried to throw a little Abby-twist in there, because it’s cool to recieve gifts that you love that you normally wouldn’t even know to pick out, but I swear my mom is SOO excited about her gift and she wouldn’t ever have known to buy it for herself! I did some little things, I did some thoughtful things, and I want to get better at gift giving because it seriously is so fun to me…I think I’m like, already old enough to handle Christmas as a giver rather than playing the role as the main reciever, so maybe one day soon that’ll be up to me, in one way or another. 🙂 So now as I age, I feel more free, more real, and I’m gaining so much strength. So thank god for the power you gave me, and thank god for a White Christmas.
Hey guys! Can you tell I’m back on my roll with blogging? Or trying to get there. Today I want to post a couple small shoots I did including one I did mid-last month for Aly & AJ’s new merch for their 10 Years album, my pre-order merch including this Aly&SlayJ graphic tee, which is SO CUTE and Aly&AJ socks. There’s also this little ‘sleepytime’ shoot I did with this Victoria’s Secret sleep tee (it’s SO comfy) it’s a white graphic tee as well, featuring Josephine Skriver, one of my very favorite Victoria’s Secret Angels. In addition to that I slept in my Work Bitch booty shorts from the Britney store in Vegas, and it was so fun to shoot this — this stuff was both super fun and I wanna show y’all. With the sleepytime shoot I’ll show you all my favorite bed-time things, too. Since early 2016 I’ve dealt with some PTSD nightmares that were gone for a while, but now I’m constantly battling them and doing soooo much at night to calm my mind and soul to get quality sleep, and I have a long and comprehensive list of all the things that help me get good sleep when I actually do! So if you struggle with insomnia from PTSD or just in general, I have some tips.
I wonder how many times I’m going to have to “grow up” before my eyes are really open. Just when I suspect I’ve figured something out, it’s like, surprise! And it’s a good thing! It’s like I was wearing sunglasses the whole time and forgot to take them off, making me miss details that I wasn’t ready to learn until the next time, when I was ready to see them. Strange metaphor, but it’s hardly a metaphor, more like an analogy. Either way, it’s great that I grow more and more every day. It’s great that I learn new things, it’s great when I stay humble, it’s amazing when I get stronger, it’s awesome when I find out how resilient I already am and even greater of a realization to see that I’m not done growing yet. Meaning, it’s like I have this shield I’ve built, and I think it’s a really cool shield like “wow this is much more powerful than using my arms for defense” and I get so caught up in thinking it’s just cool that things bounced off of it. Here’s the cool part, the part that you can sprinkle in your drinks in the morning to give you hope and keep you stronger. Every day that shield grows stronger, and of course things are still going to affect you, but you can choose the way it affects you. When it hits you but it hits your shield it gives you a chance to pick how to react. It gives you a chance to live for that moment, to retaliate in a beautiful way.
Show them all how strong you really are by rising above all of it. I can’t stop loving the fact that I get higher and higher but sometimes I get scared of falling. But the thing is, I’m not rising above the clouds with magical pixie dust taking me up, scaling largely above the USA, but I’m actually walking up stairs. On good days, it’s an elevator. Like when Danon surprised me for my birthday by taking me to the tallest building in the state, where we rose to level 73, and seeing how beautiful the city was really took a lot of my fear away. Around me was this sweethearted boy, people adoring the city, and a nice guy at the front desk. We were quiet but we were all in awe. And I think that that really is a great representation of what it’s like to be with someone like him and build my shield and armor but also build a catapult of LOVE, and yes him and I rise so high but I’m not scared at all. I feel safe, like this is exactly where I need to be. Being in that building there was no fear of falling, no fear of crashing from 73 floors, just seeing the beauty of the world from a level where we couldn’t be touched by them. None of the negativity, none of it could touch us, although I always seek the love wherever I can find it, and create it when I can’t. And that’s really the bottom line, that’s how we all should live, we should wake up in the mornings up high in a New York hotel or just excited in our own heads or jumping around the street because you like jumping like me, and not be scared at all of what could be below. We’re safe here, with all the amenities that come with growing into such valuable people. It’s your right as a person to grow with no fear, it’s your right to seek the love and cut off the fear, it’s your right and your strength to live as you breathe and I promise you that you will never reach a point in your life where you’re not worth that. Maybe celebrities can live in penthouses high in the sky, with all their money, and it’s probably beautiful, but honestly what’s incredibly beautiful to me is getting to know the people I love and my cat Milkshake. What’s beautiful to me is waking up after not having a nightmare, and realizing what’s to come all day. What’s beautiful to me is I’m still 73 floors high, risen above anything that shouldn’t touch me, so you could say I have my head in the clouds yet I’ve never been so coherent. I’ve never been so intuitive. I’ve never learned that I have THIS much left to learn, and I still haven’t learned a fraction of what I’m about to learn. Tomorrow, the next day, next year, and yesterday…Things to look forward to. Strength is a choice, and I know you’ve earned it.
A month ago, I was sooo on a roll with blog posts. November was awesome for me and my blog and I was not only posting frequently, but thoroughly, and quality-ily. Quailityishful. So anyway then December everything started getting busy and crazy, however I FINALLY got around to editing these two shoots that I did (there was like a trillion pics to edit) and so now I can totally actually begin this journey that is Culture Shock, which is a half-formed idea in my head that’s about to florish. It’s derived of two equal parts, My Prerogative and Can’t Pin Me Down. Let’s see how I grow, live, create, slay and laugh at myself. After finishing this I’m actually extremely proud, and expression is best served passionately.