July 2018 was crazy but kinda cool. I was a living angel experiencing the life of hard drugs and losing myself, only finding solace in the fact that I was progressing and not just accepting the demise. Still though, my family was going to Idaho later in the month and I had decided the week before that I was going to try to go. That meant needing to get sober in time for it. So I stopped the heroin and the meth, struggled with my own instability and decided to go forward – hard, to get ready enough to survive the trip, and the best part is, even though it was the hardest week of my life (and I never felt more misunderstood and like I was losing myself) the instant that I got home, there was like one hour of getting ready and then I went to go hangout with Matt for the first time by ourselves. I stayed the night with him that night instead of staying at my house and then boom we were together for like, ever. Lol. So that’s how all that started. I’m behind on a lot of old photo shoots but thought I’d do this concept post because I wanted to go deeper on how Matt pretty much saved me from myself and how all that started to begin with. So this is the Missy Understood photoshoot that I did in Idaho, plus the pictures from the family reunion + a short story on how Matt & I fell together. Cue dramatic music. Lol. Also included: of course I picked a song that I did for the Idaho photoshoot but I also have created a conceptual-based playlist called Miss Understood, Hitlist that I’m transferring onto YouTube. And there’s about 5 people that mean the world to me right now as I’m diving into sobriety once again. And this time I’m excited. My vision board journal, my new love of music videos and music DVDs, the rearranging of my room, and the exploration of my new & improved art formations…It’s going to be a good year.
2018 post intro; half finished blog post with a twist in the middle, but will appear to just be me like I always am – it’s acutally interesting how half a year past since I wrote this (below) but I can’t wait to reveal what the fuck has been happening lately. Lol. Life man.
Good morning world, and all of it’s inhabitants. I’m back from another sabbatical leap away from the real world, hiding like a genie in a bottle after you’re done drinking – no but really, I’m back in the real world again. Trying to remember what I want my priorities to be, how I can infuse them into every conversation I have with anyone… That’s actually pretty awesome. I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to the subject of my last couple of weeks. I did this shoot and developed this concept in June, the heighth of my dark-red vixen days, inspired by the cool and re-exhumed idea of the Genie in a Bottle. The Xtina concept/version, of course. This kinda thing was born when I noticed the shirt on Nasty Gal was titled Genie in a Bottle. Come on and set me free! How did I even survive this time lol tf.
Hey guys, this past month I was truly reborn. Slowly but surely my dreams are coming true in the strangest, slowest, confusingest ways possible. So the last day of May I dyed my hair this gorgeous dimensional red and I’m obsessed…with that and my labret lip piercing and I finally felt motivation to write today before the crew comes over and helps me do my greatest comeback shoot. Because here’s the thing. Waiting in my queue was basically just some pics of merch, pics of me in my merch and other gadgets, a couple pics of me with my snake, so I want to cram all of this into one so I can 1. Show you guys this cool stuff — it was put in the queue for a reason. Like each of these, or at least half, were supposed to get spotlight blog posts. But now that’s not what’s happening. I want to take you guys on a journey and show you these loads of merch and a couple other cool things about my last blogshoot days of being brunette. Like how I was for 19 years. I have new stories to share, new craziness or possible excitement to share… And now I get to finish cleaning my room before my peeps arrive and that will start this whole big deal and everyone is excited. Like it’s really super cool that people are this excited about being in my blogshoot. It means freakin’ hella! I’m proud of myself and my blog. The last couple of weeks I sunk into one of the deepest depressions of my life…And after a little support, some new friends, a crazy life hijacking twisty-turny slide, a breakup, a few people to get to know better, like 10 mini rocks later given to people and picked out specially with ones that I feel like resonated with that person, even though each time I gave someone a rock it was my way of saying greetings beautiful stranger, I can tell you’re fuckin’ special. Greetings humans, I want nothing but to treat y’all with love and respect. Pluuuus++++ drugs. Producing music videos. Reaching out of my comfort zone. Dangerous stunts. Learning the way to not take things personally. Understanding people. Missing people. Finding myself. And then there’s also that time that I got pics of my little booty in my Lights booty shorts, too.
I feel like each of these Diary things is really different. Don’t be fooled by their names though, even though they’re all “Diary of ___” something different, they’re all basically the same thing. Journal entries in the form of blogging, pictures, online shopping and interacting with people online. Today I wanted to not only have a “diary” entry for the “DarkkVixen” that I am (that’s basically an inside (joke) thing I’ll explain it further down) but I wanted to show an unseen photoshoot with you guys that I’m actually really proud of, and it symbolizes a lot. Originally I used it on my other blog (just like one of the pictures) and I thought that represented a lot so I didn’t think to post the look here, especially because there’s no “shopping” really involved in it, but I do want to show you guys. I have so many looks, so many ideas, so much drive and everyday I get more bloated with inspiration and have to chase these blog goals to relieve it. Lol, for real. So get to know the DarkkVixen inside of me.
Album of the Shoot/Post – Bionic by Christina Aguilera
Holy shit. Today I felt really aimless and bored with life and I was sad because nobody was wanting to hang out, but for some reason I had the itch to actually begin reading my #GIRLBOSS book by Sophia Amoruso! I’m so glad I did, I took the book and some kombucha outside and sat in the sun (but not direct sun) and read for at least a couple hours. I’m crazy inspired. Sophia’s Nasty Gal Vintage business started out in a similar way that this blog started out for me, and now I know I CAN take it to the next level. I want to start by getting a new camera! I need to actually start moving up because there’s no time to waste with my passion. I am so incredibly happy to be able to be able to do the things I love and I know I’m going to thrive in the future and I’m just…Incredibly excited!
A started watching the netflix series Girlboss based on how Nasty Gal was created, and holy shit! Like I got to Jenna’s house at like 11 pm because she and I were both kinda in bed “recovering” or just rejuvenatnign from her tonsil surgery last week and my wisdom teeth extraction a couple of days ago. It’s so convenient how Jenna Bean and I like share such kindred spirits because then she and I were able to help keep the company where we kinda dozed off for a while multiple times because of sleeping off the recovery suff, because we were vegetables. Livin’ the vegetable life, sometimes complaining a bit about how life is difficult when we get things ripped out of our throat areas but not letting it get us down, just letting us vent it out and breathing in the good vibes we create, she really is a strong & beautiful soul!
Anyway I guess update is I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday and I’m recovering pretty fast and well, even got to go to the Nektar Juice Bar today which is my favorite thing to consume ever, and I got an acai bowl that was amazing as always and a very interesting smoothie! So how that will affect my photoshoot plans is a good question, I don’t really know, because I did have a couple exciting blogshoot plans. Collaborations and ideas! But I just posted a little around now anyway, so I guess don’t even worry about it, more is coming.
Interesting story I just remembered…When I was in 3rd or perhaps 4th grade, I was stylin’ and cute as ever (of course). I think that was the time when I was transitioning from buying everything from Gymboree at my younger ages to Justice. I always had like one store that was my designated store for as long as possible before I got tired of it. First it was Gymboree (I still remember adding stuff to my cart and creating wishlists on there and ordering from there every season when I was like 7) and then it became Justice, which I became SO passionate about. Neon green jeans, peace sign tees, neon everything actually… Then it was briefly Kohl’s at I transitioned into middle school and junior high. And now it’s Nasty Gal. It’s been Nasty Gal for years. BUT back to my point…
In 3rd grade(ish) I was wearing such an adorable outfit one day. But when I went out to recess and saw that it was raining, I was SO cold. My friends asked why I didn’t have a jacket and I’m like “Because I’m wearing this shawl thing!” my mom and teachers kept telling me that a shawl isn’t a jacket, lol. So I hid in the corner of the blacktop just waiting for the cold to end, but dang I looked so adorable. These light pink colors with fun soft patterns — I don’t even own a shawl right now, but it’s cool that I did at some point! I’ve always been so fashion savvy. Hmm wait maybe I have old pictures. HAHAHA I was looking for old fashionable pictures of myself but all I found was a bunch of super hilarious pictures from 2007-2009! HAHA omg like when I got my first eyeshadow palette and Maren and I played with it… Or when Maren and I made music videos to the songs Can’t Be Tamed and Toxic. I was such a funny child.
That’s so funny. Alright we all can have some great laughs at that. Anyway. Moving on.
Lately I’ve been wanting a pair of white sneakers. Pretty random, yes, and I’m not really sure why I want some. But the last time I got new sneakers it was my black vans, like nearly 3 years ago. And other than that I have another pair of vans but in bright orange that I got from Plato’s Closet and then I have these interesting high-tops from Shoedazzle from like 4-5 years ago. Other than that, all my old adventuring sneakers and stuff have retired. So I’m thinking…wouldn’t it be cool if I got a pair of those white Gucci sneakers? They have like a MILLION different designs for them. Tbh, these are the ones I want. Aren’t they so cute? OR THESE but I’m not sure how they would look with the heel down. Cool idea though. But I don’t necessarily have $600 to spend on a pair of sneakers…Like I would totally use my credit for them but my credit limit is $500! haha. But I don’t know, I was thinking of just getting these Kendall + Kylie ones, because they’re affordable and adorable and obviously that’s one of my favorite brands. Hmm… By the time I post this I’ll hopefully have bought one of those already. It’ll be so perfect! For all my adventures walking a longass time in the woods, they’ll get dirty but they’ll show so many memories!
In 2002 (age 4), I was trying on a dress using the slip that my mom bought for it. After putting on the slip, I thought it was so cute! I asked my mom if I could wear it by itself but she said no. But I was so excited about how it looked so I threw on some purple socks and used a head-flashlight thing as an accessory. I started modeling for them until my mom finally got the camera. I had loved this shoot, it was so fun, and that’s one of my earliest memories when it comes to fashion. And so on life went…
I don’t think people even realize how crazy that New York trip was to me. My boring life, my lack of lust for life in my “photoshoots”, and yet I proved so many things for myself.
Okay, so first off: I was going to Teen Vogue in NY and so I had to pack up for the weekend. So the night before, I was sitting there with Ally and I realized I needed to pack my clothes for the trip. I grabbed a few gorgeous shirts, with lace and mesh and all that jazz, just because I loved them. Then I grabbed some typical bottoms, including some bold pieces…and I totally brought those red long pants with the lace halter top and how the colors match perfectly its like crazy! I didn’t try any of this on before going! It’s amazing…
So I wrote that on May 19th as a part of this Diary of a Shopping Enthusiast. Honestly what was I even talking about? Yeah the New York trip was super cool, and yes it is cool that I ended up with such great outfits even though I just grabbed a bunch of random things, but I always do that. (By the way, as I write this it’s May 31st). Heck I mean last Tuesday I had to bring 4 outfits for my headshots, and all I did was take a ton of shirts and pants and shoes and put them into a bag really quickly because I was running late. Turns out I picked SUCH great pieces! My photographer picked out outfits from the bunch of random clothes that I had, and they all turned out to be dope. One of my favorite dresses (a cute blue one) went so well with my retro-esque floral chunky sandal heel shoe things. Hahaha it looked so good, and we found a cool alley and I can’t wait to see the pictures.
Hey guys! I know it’s been a little bit since I’ve posted last, and I’ve been trying to decide what I should post next. I have a few ideas, but it’s been a while since I got new clothing pieces to work with, so mostly I’ve just been bored waiting for my shipments to come in. (I have some exciting stuff coming!) But I thought I would start this new sort of series called Diary of a Shopping Enthusiast, and it’s basically going to be me talking all about what I’ve been wanting to buy, what I’ve recently been buying, and also my super long wishlist of stuff I wish I could someday buy. I love talking all about all of this because shopping really is a hobby to me, like even when I don’t have money it’s bomb to just scroll through Nasty Gal or Sephora for days reading reviews and making plans. So continue reading to see what’s been on my shopping-mind lately!