Hey guys, this past month I was truly reborn. Slowly but surely my dreams are coming true in the strangest, slowest, confusingest ways possible. So the last day of May I dyed my hair this gorgeous dimensional red and I’m obsessed…with that and my labret lip piercing and I finally felt motivation to write today before the crew comes over and helps me do my greatest comeback shoot. Because here’s the thing. Waiting in my queue was basically just some pics of merch, pics of me in my merch and other gadgets, a couple pics of me with my snake, so I want to cram all of this into one so I can 1. Show you guys this cool stuff — it was put in the queue for a reason. Like each of these, or at least half, were supposed to get spotlight blog posts. But now that’s not what’s happening. I want to take you guys on a journey and show you these loads of merch and a couple other cool things about my last blogshoot days of being brunette. Like how I was for 19 years. I have new stories to share, new craziness or possible excitement to share… And now I get to finish cleaning my room before my peeps arrive and that will start this whole big deal and everyone is excited. Like it’s really super cool that people are this excited about being in my blogshoot. It means freakin’ hella! I’m proud of myself and my blog. The last couple of weeks I sunk into one of the deepest depressions of my life…And after a little support, some new friends, a crazy life hijacking twisty-turny slide, a breakup, a few people to get to know better, like 10 mini rocks later given to people and picked out specially with ones that I feel like resonated with that person, even though each time I gave someone a rock it was my way of saying greetings beautiful stranger, I can tell you’re fuckin’ special. Greetings humans, I want nothing but to treat y’all with love and respect. Pluuuus++++ drugs. Producing music videos. Reaching out of my comfort zone. Dangerous stunts. Learning the way to not take things personally. Understanding people. Missing people. Finding myself. And then there’s also that time that I got pics of my little booty in my Lights booty shorts, too.
90s jeans? 2010 album by Lights? Hot pink tank top? Rhetorical questions + lots of question marks?? What could that mean? The Listening. The Electro-Pop slaying jams that made 2010 as amazing as it was. I was a fan back then, watching the Ice music video in like 2009. But now I take Lights merch to the next level of course, just because I can, and just for lots of fun. You saw me in a 2010 Lights shirt in the photoshoot “Everybody Breaks A Glass” and with a purple 2010 Lights button in Can’t Pin Me Down & others, but this post is all about The Listening album and how it slayed my life past & present even though I think this shirt is from 2009 but yeah same general era anyway. Hahaha. So yeah another outside photoshoot…woo spring!
“Welcome to my Darkness, I’ve been here a while
Clouding up the sunlight, hurting for a smile
Or something, but something always turns into nothing.
Oh, I drain your life ’til there’s nothing left but your bloodshot eyes
Oh, I’ll take my time ’til I show you how I feel inside
Welcome to my Dark Side.”
It’s me again. I’m blogging for dayyyys. I’ve really been thinking a lot about the word Integrity lately and I wanted to touch on that a little bit. However, today is also the 1st birthday of these awesome flame boots that I got from Nasty Gal, and I wanted to also make this a duo-appreciation post where we could appreciate those boots in all their glory of just one year of Shopping For Days. These boots have kicked some ass! This will also give a sneak peak of my upcoming blogshoot, Dark Side, which will begin my whole new era.
Happy birthday, flame boots! Yes, I am definitely making a blog post solely about my fire boots & integrity.
They made their first appearance in Peachy & Keen, on May 10th, 2017.
You can check out that blog post here.
What do I do when I get tired of all these flights of fancies? What do I do when I’m no longer living for myself, the only real reason I spent the last 19 years alive? When it gets out of hand, and when nobody knows, it can get to you to tire, make you feel like you’re just living to expire. Every word I say sounds the same & I stared blankly at this post for 9 hours with nothing to think and no words to produce and now that I’ve hit rock bottom — of the day — I’m ready to say these things in this manner. Is this a poem or am I trying to write a song or is this just me thinking from a perspective that isn’t usually available for me to dwindle with each day? Like a new snapchat filter that you only use sometimes. A door that you always lose the key to, so long that you forget what lies behind. I found the key and all I can remember is forgetting what it’s for. So come and take a walk with me, let’s sort this out, let’s organize it piece by piece until we find some motherfreakin’ peace. Let’s make the stupid kill-arettes dance in the air, waving like a red beam of give-and-bend light: I’m ready to slay this shoot, are you ready to get my point? Get ready because this was the last photoshoot I did before a series of unjust upside-down twisty-turn slides down into the bottom pit of this ‘real‘ life. Continue reading below for a poetic explanation of how uncool the night of April 12th was and how April 13th ruined my life.
I can’t see anything in the snow. I can’t see anything except the cold feel on my skin, or the crunch of ice beneath whatever shoes and their level of practicality for the day. I wiggle my toes to see if they’re still there, and they are. And I’m also still breathing. When I take my deepest breath and look around I can learn to see and feel at the same time, but as you may or may not have noticed that’s not a usual thing for people to have adapted yet in regular situations. I embrace the newfound form of my third eye and be thankful I have any eyes. I hear music, and it’s my brothers, and it sounds different than what plays from my speaker. From my heart to my head to my body mind and soul, I hear/feel/see/touch/think/observe differently. But there’s a way to go from So Blind in the Snow (snowblind) to what I’ll introduce to you as “so kind to let it show”. So let me introduce you to not only allll the amethyst stuff I’m wearing from Amethyst Dreams but let me unblind y’all or something. No basically I’ll just show you the Snowblind words and break them down and let you know how I’m feeling and what I’ve overcome with just thinking of my own personal right to have power and feel strength. Blog it baby one more time.
Dear Old Man Jenkins,
These kids and their flying machines. I love and adore you so much more than I ever can express. Everything in our lives right now is scary and complicated and in the air, but you still do so much for me. When I got to live with you in our apartment and grew to know you more as an adult and not as a child, I respected you more and more every day. I see that you’re human but I & everyone I know of thinks you’re a pure soul and we’re baffled as to how. Every single day I wake up and even if on the surface I’m hating on myself for the situation, I really do love myself. I stick up for myself. I watch other people humiliate their worth and I realize they didn’t have you as a cheerleader when they needed it that I did.
Things weren’t always super perfect with us, but my favorite thing is talking to you. Getting to know you, and how you feel. And maybe birthdays aren’t your favorite things..but I need to explain to you that you changed the world with this day 48 years ago, and every second of my life I have been daddy’s little girl because I feel so spiritually and brilliantly connected to you in a way where most people couldn’t even get close to with a parent. It’s heart breaking. You’re not just my parent, you’re you. My best friend, usually my only friend, my main source of support, my confidence boost, my healthy reminders, my reassurance, and I will never ever forget all that you do for me and how you calm me down no matter what. I learn a lot from you so when you think one of my thoughts sounds profound, just know I learned to think in that certain way because of you. Thank you so much for being there for me and I love you a ton.
HAPPY 18th ANNIVERSARY OF YOUR BIRTH, MY LOVE!
As you were blooming in Audra’s beautiful belly you were welcomed into the world as Ivy Katherine Green, which also became the most perfect name for your music to release for the moment or two. It’s cool to have your identity separated like that, but not in a way where you’re different people. You’re also Ally Smith, who looks like your mother Adriana too (even though you don’t have her same genetics) you grew up with all these traits that you’ve been finding and seeking and learning and growing about for 18 freaking years and you’re really becoming this beautiful human – no longer able at all to be considered an ’empty shell’, but when I listen to you patiently with no expectations I hear the ocean so cogently, as if that’s really what you are. You’re full of so much fucking magic but it’s not quite ocean magic – you definitely have gotten a lot of magic from the ocean and based a lot of your life and songs off of the ocean. It’s your favorite place, angel. But when I look at you you’re not even a shell. Not full nor empty, not really anything to do with a shell, but yet you encased yourself in a shell like a turtle, truly. That’s what was really happening.
You lifted the shell and you let me inside, and I walked in to find the place wayyyyy bigger and more complicated and beautiful than you make it look on the outside. And you said Abby, go ahead and learn about me, go ahead and learn and see. So the journey began, one of the millions of times that the journey began…and here we are, almost 3 years later, finding different things in our shells and breathing different words in our embraces. I love you, Alexandra Marie Devon Smith. Happy 18th rotation around the sun. Happy legality of buying your own cigarettes. Let’s rule this world hand in hand, babygirl.
“There are reasons you keep your hands tied
There’s certain things you shouldn’t have tried
So if you gotta tell me something
You better go to the beginning.”
Everybody Breaks A Glass by Lights – Song Inspo of the Post
I have a lot of Lights merch. At one point, I want to catalog all of it, an have it in an organized way where it can be found in the abyss of my other millions of tags and categories of this site. I decided to do a shoot with this Lights shirt that I got that is from her first era, The Listening album, and at first I wanted to make the post about the Listening era/album but the shoot spoke to me as Everybody Breaks A Glass. What I was going through, what I’ve learned and what I’m going through, it really ties into this song. Especially with the state I was in while shooting this outfit. So I got dolled up and ready to shoot this awesome outfit outside infront of these insentient cars, playing around with the sun’s glorious and hidden lighting; and with all of that, I do have a message to share with y’all.
“Waited a long time for this, feels right now
Allow me to introduce myself. Want you to come a little closer. I’d like you to get to know me better. Meet the real me.” – Stripped pt. 1 (track 1)
I’m in love with Christina Aguilera‘s second album Stripped right now, because each song has played such a big role in the last month that I’ve been dwelling on it, and applying it gently to my situations and creating new perspectives here and there. I’m a lot more aware in so many ways. When I did this shoot I named it Keep On Singin’ My Song because that was the most relatable at that moment, and the way I related to it was on the tail-end of getting over some stupid crap in my life. After March 18th, one of the most beautiful and sentimental and fun and adventurous nights of my life, I finally got my closure, but earlier this month, the only thing that kept me going was to keep on singing these songs. I’m breaking into the music shizz slowly and miss Ivy K. Green is going to help me as we write together (You Don’t Know) and I’m totally gonna have her help me cover some songs for her. I got closure, but now I’m going to keep on singing my songs because I’m so twitter-patted and infatuated with this passionate & pure poison ivy/love of my life and makes taking risks look like just…living. As it should always look of course. Read more.