Twenty-Three

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So far through this year I’ve been pretty proud of what I’ve been living up to. With my birthday in November, it’s pretty cool to turn a year older and then prepare myself for the next upcoming year. I finally turned 23 on the 15th, and I think I did really well for 2021 in all the months leading up to this one. For all of the year I kept a consistency writing on this blog (as well as on my other blogs), posting enough every month. I loved the photoshoots I did this year a lot, I think I did plenty through the spring time too, and this year was just a good requiem for me after the last couple of years. A lot of this year to me was about sobriety, which I’ve written about, and that really shaped me after a while. Once I hit the middle of the year, I finally got to a point where I was really loving my photoshoots every month, those were some of my favorites! I was just really proud of how they kept turning out. Hopefully next year I start getting into it more and posting more, but I’m making good progress as I go either way so I know I’ll be doing something good. I’m excited about my life even though it’s a lot of the same things sometimes these days, but I have this rhythm and I always really see where I’m going with it. I have this good attitude to me too and this persistence that I want to remind myself of, with my writing and creative flow. Sometimes I don’t really have that much to say I think, but when I’m even just writing in my journals and things a lot comes out that I couldn’t explain much until I started writing, but it makes so much sense. A lot of what’s inside of me I think is accessible when I point myself towards the right ideas, which I sometimes can’t express until I’m finally writing. Sometimes I start writing and it ends up sounding like I’m solving a problem as I go, and it ends up making so much sense when I get through it. One thing I’ve noticed that I’ve been leading up to the past couple of months is this energy in me that I keep wanting to express, and it’s interesting to see that evolve with me a bit the more I recognize it. That’s what I’ve been finding more and more in myself these days. So that’s a lot about me I’m finding in myself more as I go recently, but I had a pretty great birthday this time as well! I got to go shopping with my boyfriend one day and my mom another day, and I got new clothes to shoot and a couple jewelry pieces I’ll be posting about eventually too. I’m pretty excited about it, I’ve always wanted camouflage pants like this! It’ll be good to see how that goes, I still have so many outfit ideas for the next year. I really see myself these days and I know I have so much to put into my passions and things more & more, and I know I can just keep going and doing these things that I love. November was pretty good to me, and I know December will be one more post to wrap up the year, and I’m excited to see how that goes!

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Convenience Fee

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One of my favorite things to do when I’m finally picking up my speed is to sit down and write. Even when I take a break from blogging for just a second to see where I’m at with everything else, I’m writing pages in a couple of my journals and trying to break down better what I have to digest. It’s like, I have a few different blogs with different styles of writing behind them, but I can’t write on them too often yet because I’m still revolving after getting sober off of alcohol & the rest of it, and my brain has had some time to settle as I go. I think about how I used to write and I really see my strides from over the years, but I’m really excited to get back to writing more and more on my blogs as I go because I will always love making this progress and seeing myself grow on here and worryjustenough.com as well. That’s of course, for more of my lifestyle blogging, but it’s been a couple months since I last blogged on there, which is interesting compared to going to NA (narcotics’ anonymous) meetings all the time now. I’ve been doing that (as well as some IOP meetings for my outpatient treatment) really consistently since July and it’s been really cool to see how everything’s changed for me since then. I’ll definitely be writing more on there later after I publish this blog post, so within the next couple of weeks, so that’ll be cool to get back to. I have a good consistency on here though, Shop For Days, that I’ve kept up with with posting this year that I’m pretty proud of, but at least once a month I get a photoshoot and blog post up here and I love where I’m getting to with them these days. I’ve actually had the concept of Convenience Fee up on my whiteboard and in my journal and stuff as an idea for me to post for a few months now too, but I just now finally got down to working on it, and it ended up being this totally perfect all-black outfit that I’ve worn in a few different sentences, like with this shirt and everything, but the boots were a perfect wrap up and even surprise to it. I found them in the corner of my closet, behind a big white bin I have in front of one of my shoe shelves, and I wasn’t even sure I still had them until I dug them out recently! You’ll see those later in the blog post, I’m glad I got these boots into the shoot this time. For now, the last thing I wanted to point out was this layered lock necklace. I got this last year actually, from Dolls Kill, and it’s pretty big and I love it a lot. It’s pretty perfect that I chose locks for this post/outfit and everything, I’ve done some posts with silver key jewelry (which I collect!) from time to time but I have hardly any locks really. I love the concept of both, I have a lot of things I relate to those that I have a bunch of and eventually I’ll do a big post on all the keys or something. I thought that for this shoot though, I could do the other side and get this big chain necklace of locks into the all-black outfit, and it seemed to balance it out perfectly. These came together really well, even if I waited for so long to get working on this concept, but I think it ended up timing out really well too. This is a good one to be doing for October I’m thinking, and I’m glad I’m here where I’m at in life as well! I feel like I always have some sort of direction or solid ground at least when I get to write or work on something like this, so I’m glad to see where I’ve been getting to creatively these days! I can make so much progress on myself and my blogs (as well as my journals) in a couple of months, so reflection will be a good one to hit upon throughout this post. Hopefully I ramp up with my content more as I go, but where I’m at is looking better finally so I like and my words and topics and ideas these days. So much I’ve worked on over the years, but I’m making such better personal progress now finally!

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Euphoria

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I really have always loved music with all my heart, and I love getting to apply that to my life and express that love. Since like 2007 I’ve been going to concerts and all that, and I used to do a lot of YouTube-ing, talking a lot with people about different artists and celebrities, editing pictures and videos of them. That’s something that I always loved doing growing up, and then I was like in my early adult years (and a couple years before that) going to concerts all the time and collecting merchandise and CDs. I really have a lot to show for my love of music, and I love getting to blog about my concert experiences. This post is about my Louis the Child concert experience, which was like my #64th that I’ve been to. So this has been a big part of my life, concertgoing, and even though I went like a year without attending a show recently I’ve finally been catching up and seeing some this year again. I was front row at this show with my boyfriend Matt, we got there right as the doors opened! The venue filled up a lot after we were stationed in the front, and it was a really cool crowd. Matt first introduced me to Louis the Child in like 2018 actually, with Save Me From Myself. Their new album is really good too, they played my favorite track off of it, Fade Away. So I did what I used to do all the time for concerts and did a photoshoot of my #ConcertAttire, and also an outfit/shoot for the merch shirt that I got from the show. This turned out pretty good, I liked it. We even got a few shots in Seattle but not too much because this was a long show! I’m glad about where I’m at, like I probably mentioned a few times in my last blog post, but these concerts this year really helped to both relax me and hype me about my life and I really see what going to all these does for me. I love expression and energy and all that and I get to express a lot of that with going to shows all the time. Read more to see the photoshoots!

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Death Row

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My life has always been some combination of change and consistencies, the things that kept me balanced or taught me some skill to stay on track. Recently a lot of things have piled up, but at first I really thought it would be something I couldn’t handle or shouldn’t have to deal with. I’m stuck doing these meetings all the time, two different kinds, and I wasn’t expecting to be busy 5 days of the week every day for a while but that’s what it looks like. Something my dad was talking to me about recently was how life throws so many things at you that are unexpected but obviously this teaches you resilience and him and I both agree that we’re good at those kinds of throws from life, just knowing the ground we stand on and how stable we are through the most of it. We also talked a lot about regret this past month and it really said something to me, the way these things would pile on top of me. I’d like, go through all of it and wonder how to sit there and look back at it without it pulling my hair, really. Those two things are something I’m talking about here, but I’ve really relieved a lot of pressure in my life and in my mind by having these conversations with him. Now I love going to these meetings, with every piece of my heart, and I’m back to wearing my heels all the time and putting on my lipsticks. My outfits rock these days and this is my 4th week in a row that I’ve had something to do and somewhere to go every single day of the week. I really absolutely love where I’m at, where I’ve finally gotten into in life, and I’m just having so much fun and actually getting things out of these meetings! I love that I get out and do these things, and even if I haven’t blogged as much recently I still post every fucking month, so I’m not slacking too hard even though I’m way busier now. I feel like I really can create this direction in my life with these toolkits I have gotten from all these meetings, and I have this persistence now that I want to keep up with as I go. I’ve made a bunch of good decisions in the midst of the stupid mistakes that I’ve been throwing in there to tag the regret, but I really see what I chose in life and what good it brings me to be here at this point in time. I believe I’m the person I am because I could be, and because I want to be, every single day of my life and that helps a lot when I’m building myself. I spend a lot of time working on myself these days and I really have everything I need finally, and I’m really proud of this photoshoot! I called it Death Row after the Bebe Rexha song, because I have finally hit a point in my life this week where I really understood and just got it, what I’m doing here. Something clicked in my brain shortly after doing this shoot and I am definitely excited about my future. I see what making changes in your life does, and I feel this positive energy that I keep loving and wanting to express, so I will creatively finally. I really see why I got to this point in my life.

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Icon Chaos

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Something I love about merchandise is how long I will have this collection, and how much it serves me to utilize it. I have a ton of merch shirts from over the years, one of my first ones being from 2007. I even have like 3 Tove Lo shirts and this yellow one is one of them. They’re all cut into crop tops and I wear them now and again, and they’re perfect. This first Tove Lo shirt I got for Christmas of 2019 from my mom with these same leggings as well. This shirt was called Icon Chaos and I love it, with all the graphics on the back of it. This is a good shoot for this! Can’t believe it’s taken me a year and a half to do the photoshoot for this outfit finally. And last month I got my hair dyed red again! First shoot for the red hair comeback, this is perfect. I think my red hair goes with pretty much all of my outfits, so we’ll see where I go from here to see how it continues to suit me. Eventually I’ll even get my extensions back in there and that’ll be perfect. Of course I cut my hair on New Year’s Eve, that was perfect for the new year and all the shoots I’ve done since. But now it’s red and it’s been half a year so it’s growing back out, it’ll be long again eventually! That’s the only thing I hate about cutting my hair, waiting for it to be full length again. But that’s what I did and I love the decision, my hair is growing back fast now. I can’t wait for it to thicken out more too, but all in due time with baby hairs. I’m doing pretty good this summer I think! Was taking a little bit of a break from blogging but now I’m back and we’ll see how things go. Excited about what’s coming up, I’m back with my boyfriend Matt, so eventually I’ll be doing some more photoshoots with him again too. Check this category here to see what we’ve done and posted together over the past couple of years! Getting back to everything now.

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Playground

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I’m excited about this blog post and photoshoot, I had a lot of fun with my mom and Maren for it. Maren, my cousin, came over here to visit us last month to help us pack up our living room and kitchen, preparing for our remodel that’s finally happening. It was interesting, moving things and packing them up, and Maren worked pretty hard to help us, we we’re grateful to have her over. The two of us used to do these dance-off or music video types of videos way back in the day when we were a whole lot younger, like 2011 and before. One of the examples is on YouTube like this one, but we did a couple videos before that which I’ll eventually find (on my old laptop), and then I’ll post those on YouTube too. Anyway, so of course we had to do a photoshoot 10 years later when she comes to visit us here in Seattle again, so we went to a playground and got some good pictures. The lighting kept fluctuating so we have a few different kinds of lighting for this, but I love how the shoot turned out anyway. We all kind of took turns taking the pictures, standing on all the different playground things to play on. This was a good collaboration, I love what we did with it and how it turned out. The shoot was actually last month but I’m finally getting it up now, probably the last post I’ll do before I get my hair dyed again, so this is a good one. I’m catching up with all my shoots now too, once I get this up it’ll be a fresh slate for me to start shooting again, but I was taking a break from it for a while other than this one actually. We’ll see what comes next for the blog, but doing things like this one is always cool for me anyway, something unique that I can use to change up my perspectives. I don’t think I get too typical or repetitive with my shoots or posts, I think I’m always doing something new or good that I can use to frame myself better, but collaborations are always a unique icing for the cake that changes things up even more. They make it better for me to try with, something that speaks up differently and will never sound the same. I’m glad I’m finally all caught up with shoots this year, I’ve been behind for quite a while but I know exactly what to do next! Great news about this shoot with Maren, now let’s get into it finally.

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Playboy Style

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To start off this blog post I’m just going to say I’ve been wanting a sweatsuit like this for years. Interestingly enough, in 2019 I bought a pair of green Playboy sweatpants from MissGuided and I didn’t get any hoodie to match, but I did get a Playboy shirt also and it was white, which I put in this blog post here. Other than a couple other things, that’s what I got from MissGuided back then. But then came this year, in 2021, when I finally got the opportunity to order from them again, and I got a full-on pink Playboy sweatsuit finally! A matching crop top to the sweatpants, of course. I love it with all my heart, I wear it at all the right times. Then comes Playboy Style, where I get to show off the set as well as my new Gucci glasses that I also adore. I’m excited about this, I know it’s not the most unique photoshoot but it is one that I did and I’m proud of, and am ready to display. I haven’t worn the green sweatpants in over a year or so because they’re probably left in a buried box in storage, but eventually I’ll get those out and I’ll have those in addition to my other lounge clothes (like a collection), but for now I just have this set to wear. Glad I got that order, got a few things that time and I’ve shot some of it but the rest I’ll do later, I’m excited for June’s blog posts already and I know I’ve got things that are good so I’ll get those in line and in order soon, so we’ll see how that turns out. For now I’m almost done catching up with my photoshoots, got them all posted and I’m waiting to do more until the rest from the last couple of months are done and up on the blog. I know exactly what shoots I’m going to do next, but for now let me get to this good one! I love my Playboy style and always will, I hope to get even more someday to post about. Now here we go!

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MTV Pt. 1

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Today is a good day for another blog post, I love how consistent I’ve been with it. Two or so posts a month works well. I haven’t been doing too much these days, but my outfits are getting better. I’ve been fixing more jewelry with my stepmom, so I have more to wear these days. The jewelry for this outfit is interesting, it’s just one pretty heart and then a tiny choker-like chain that I got from Goodwill. This shirt I got from Toney and cut it in half. He gave me like 5 shirts in our time together so that was pretty rad, I’ve blogged about most of them. This one was for my birthday, as well as the Angel Like Me shirt that I did this year. This is the second shirt, and then the third one I still have to do. (In terms of the birthday ones he gave me.) Pretty rad, actually, I’m glad I got those. This is obviously an MTV shirt, plus I have another one I’m going to do this year. That one was actually a gift too. Anyway, I’m excited for this shoot, it was a good outfit with my classic dollar sign ($) chain. I’ve used that in a bunch of different shoots, search for chains. I’ve had multiple chains, too, so that’s pretty cool. I just have one right now though and it’s this one. Haha, I’m even wearing it today with some other outfit. I’ve got a good page going on the front of my blog, this year has been productive. I just have one more photoshoot to post and then I’m all caught up with writing, so that’s a good thing. We’ll see how the rest of the year goes, I mean it’s only May, not even halfway through the year yet, but almost. Okay let’s get into it! Oh how I love styling different graphic tees. I’ll get back to shooting merchandise in the summertime probably.

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Care Label

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It’s a good afternoon here for me, I’ve been really liking my consistent nature with blogging these days. I blog 2-3 times a month these days, and I’m doing pretty well with it here at home. On my days off I don’t do much, just watch cartoons or listen to music. I finally finished Breaking Bad again, as well as Better Call Saul, and that was a good era of watching those. I don’t normally watch shows like that but I love them when I do, so much. Dang, this month has been kind of hard for me, and I’m trying to get back to good habits these days. I stopped smoking cigarettes for a while but now I’m back at them. I go through them so quickly, too. But I’ll get out of this, and find something that serves me. For example, Matt & I did this photoshoot together at the park down the road from my house, and it turned out okay but we had some lighting problems. It was raining outside, so that was interesting. I lost my camera’s microfiber cloth but it was okay since Matt had one in his car. I swear, even though Matt & I are taking a break from hanging out for a bit, we have a cool kind of chemistry with doing photoshoots together. I created a category for my photoshoots called by Matt, so you can check that out and see all of what we’ve done together so far. I have done so much for this blog just by myself, so it’s refreshing to do something with someone else. Care Label is good, I was wearing a key around my neck and a key around my waist, both being the same key actually. It originally goes to a lockbox, but I don’t even have one that works anymore. I have one pink lockbox with a broken lock, and that’s about it. I’ve mentioned a bunch of different silver keys in my blog posts over the past 6 months (or year) and they’re pretty significant to me, they hold a lot of metaphorical meaning. I mean, the lock on my bedroom door doesn’t even work yet I have a key for that. It’s on a necklace right now, I’ll post it sometime. I have like 10 different keys in terms of jewelry. Oh but how I love this top from MissGuided, I did an order for there earlier this spring. I just love this crop top, it has a care label on it, saying how to wash it & such. Let’s get into this photoshoot!

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Elephants

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Good afternoon all! It’s a beautiful day this spring and I’m coming at you with yet another blog post. This one was pretty cool, I call it Elephants because I have some rad elephant leggings that I love with all my heart. I got them from Goodwill actually, a good find. Some of the comfiest leggings I have ever worn, even. I just did this shoot in my room, by myself of course. I’m getting pretty good at consistently posting and shooting. I’ve also been doing pretty well, doing a lot for myself these days. I’m excited about this! The carnelian necklace is one of my favorite necklaces, I got it from a rock store in Idaho in 2018. I’m surprised I’ve never done a photoshoot with carnelian, I checked and couldn’t even find my carnelian bracelet on anything. Oh well, I have this big long list of all the clothes I have that I need to shoot, and I work on it pretty frequently. I have so many clothes I’ve never blogged about, it’s crazy. But I’m ramping up with getting them all into photoshoots. I should shoot merch more, again, but I’ve got too many normal clothes I’m working with first. So we’ll see how that plays out, I’ve got a head full of ideas these days. The boots I’m wearing, these heeled grey boots, are from Shoedazzle. I bought them while I was in rehab, had them shipped to the place (in California). I got three pairs of shoes that time, and you’ll see them all soon in future photoshoots. That was in September 2019, for those shoes (& rehab). I’ll eventually get pictures with all of them, but for now I’m just starting out with the grey boots. Stay tuned for more soon. Let’s get into this!

Nice picture of my room here.
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