July 2018 was crazy but kinda cool. I was a living angel experiencing the life of hard drugs and losing myself, only finding solace in the fact that I was progressing and not just accepting the demise. Still though, my family was going to Idaho later in the month and I had decided the week before that I was going to try to go. That meant needing to get sober in time for it. So I stopped the heroin and the meth, struggled with my own instability and decided to go forward – hard, to get ready enough to survive the trip, and the best part is, even though it was the hardest week of my life (and I never felt more misunderstood and like I was losing myself) the instant that I got home, there was like one hour of getting ready and then I went to go hangout with Matt for the first time by ourselves. I stayed the night with him that night instead of staying at my house and then boom we were together for like, ever. Lol. So that’s how all that started. I’m behind on a lot of old photo shoots but thought I’d do this concept post because I wanted to go deeper on how Matt pretty much saved me from myself and how all that started to begin with. So this is the Missy Understood photoshoot that I did in Idaho, plus the pictures from the family reunion + a short story on how Matt & I fell together. Cue dramatic music. Lol. Also included: of course I picked a song that I did for the Idaho photoshoot but I also have created a conceptual-based playlist called Miss Understood, Hitlist that I’m transferring onto YouTube. And there’s about 5 people that mean the world to me right now as I’m diving into sobriety once again. And this time I’m excited. My vision board journal, my new love of music videos and music DVDs, the rearranging of my room, and the exploration of my new & improved art formations…It’s going to be a good year.
2018 post intro; half finished blog post with a twist in the middle, but will appear to just be me like I always am – it’s acutally interesting how half a year past since I wrote this (below) but I can’t wait to reveal what the fuck has been happening lately. Lol. Life man.
Good morning world, and all of it’s inhabitants. I’m back from another sabbatical leap away from the real world, hiding like a genie in a bottle after you’re done drinking – no but really, I’m back in the real world again. Trying to remember what I want my priorities to be, how I can infuse them into every conversation I have with anyone… That’s actually pretty awesome. I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to the subject of my last couple of weeks. I did this shoot and developed this concept in June, the heighth of my dark-red vixen days, inspired by the cool and re-exhumed idea of the Genie in a Bottle. The Xtina concept/version, of course. This kinda thing was born when I noticed the shirt on Nasty Gal was titled Genie in a Bottle. Come on and set me free! How did I even survive this time lol tf.
It’s been hard to get back to writing honestly. I’ve lacked inspiration with every sense of the word. But this post is long overdue. I was supposed to post it a month ago. This goes in conjunction with the AWAKE post, where I did show some pictures of this ‘Altar’ I had going on. This was never the finality of the Altar, this was just how it was for the moment while I was waiting to change it. But it was like this for the majority of the last month and a half, or maybe two months. So I want to show you this altar again, tell you why I included a signed lithograph of Alison Wonderland, and tell you why my altar is my safe place – and why being in Idaho is like being ripped away from the safe place I spent 7 months creating for the safety of my heart, mind, body, soul, future and past. But now mercury is in retrograde so I don’t know how the hell to do this. But here’s the altar, before the altar-ations. The album of the post is of course AWAKE by Alison Wonderland, and what I’ve got running through my head right now is…“Can we be okay?”.
CAN WE BE OKAY??
It’s been one month so I’ve finally picked an official breakup song for this round. It’s Awake by Alison Wonderland! I also got a sickass 5-piece pre-order bundle recently from Alison Wonderland for the ‘Awake’ titled album, so I incorporated that into a photoshoot I did with one of my best peeps of this era. She’s dope, let’s get into this post.
“I get it, I messed up, you pushed it, I fell off
You’ll always be better in your own eyes
Goodbye my friend
It’s been too long
I know you’ve been away
Too much was said
Too much was done
And now I’m wide awake.”
Welcome to the greatest show, the greatest show you’ve ever seen before — this post is the new era. THE new era. The red hair, balayage like Christina 2001. Labret piercing like Xtina 2002. Goodass friends. Cute little models for me this time. Feminism. Loneliness? What comes with a new era… what comes with a new revolution. The way we revolt and the weapons we use. The way we aim and the game we play when we’re ready to slay. We’re girls, take a deep breath and say it loud. CAN’T HOLD US DOWN. ~ conceptually inspired by the 2002 song by Christina Aguilera.
“So. What am I not supposed to, have an opinion? Should I be quiet to speak ’cause I’m a woman? Call me a BITCH ’cause I speak what’s on my mind, when it’s easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled. (((::”…. to be continued press de buttonn.
Hey guys, this past month I was truly reborn. Slowly but surely my dreams are coming true in the strangest, slowest, confusingest ways possible. So the last day of May I dyed my hair this gorgeous dimensional red and I’m obsessed…with that and my labret lip piercing and I finally felt motivation to write today before the crew comes over and helps me do my greatest comeback shoot. Because here’s the thing. Waiting in my queue was basically just some pics of merch, pics of me in my merch and other gadgets, a couple pics of me with my snake, so I want to cram all of this into one so I can 1. Show you guys this cool stuff — it was put in the queue for a reason. Like each of these, or at least half, were supposed to get spotlight blog posts. But now that’s not what’s happening. I want to take you guys on a journey and show you these loads of merch and a couple other cool things about my last blogshoot days of being brunette. Like how I was for 19 years. I have new stories to share, new craziness or possible excitement to share… And now I get to finish cleaning my room before my peeps arrive and that will start this whole big deal and everyone is excited. Like it’s really super cool that people are this excited about being in my blogshoot. It means freakin’ hella! I’m proud of myself and my blog. The last couple of weeks I sunk into one of the deepest depressions of my life…And after a little support, some new friends, a crazy life hijacking twisty-turny slide, a breakup, a few people to get to know better, like 10 mini rocks later given to people and picked out specially with ones that I feel like resonated with that person, even though each time I gave someone a rock it was my way of saying greetings beautiful stranger, I can tell you’re fuckin’ special. Greetings humans, I want nothing but to treat y’all with love and respect. Pluuuus++++ drugs. Producing music videos. Reaching out of my comfort zone. Dangerous stunts. Learning the way to not take things personally. Understanding people. Missing people. Finding myself. And then there’s also that time that I got pics of my little booty in my Lights booty shorts, too.
90s jeans? 2010 album by Lights? Hot pink tank top? Rhetorical questions + lots of question marks?? What could that mean? The Listening. The Electro-Pop slaying jams that made 2010 as amazing as it was. I was a fan back then, watching the Ice music video in like 2009. But now I take Lights merch to the next level of course, just because I can, and just for lots of fun. You saw me in a 2010 Lights shirt in the photoshoot “Everybody Breaks A Glass” and with a purple 2010 Lights button in Can’t Pin Me Down & others, but this post is all about The Listening album and how it slayed my life past & present even though I think this shirt is from 2009 but yeah same general era anyway. Hahaha. So yeah another outside photoshoot…woo spring!
“Welcome to my Darkness, I’ve been here a while
Clouding up the sunlight, hurting for a smile
Or something, but something always turns into nothing.
Oh, I drain your life ’til there’s nothing left but your bloodshot eyes
Oh, I’ll take my time ’til I show you how I feel inside
Welcome to my Dark Side.”
It’s me again. I’m blogging for dayyyys. I’ve really been thinking a lot about the word Integrity lately and I wanted to touch on that a little bit. However, today is also the 1st birthday of these awesome flame boots that I got from Nasty Gal, and I wanted to also make this a duo-appreciation post where we could appreciate those boots in all their glory of just one year of Shopping For Days. These boots have kicked some ass! This will also give a sneak peak of my upcoming blogshoot, Dark Side, which will begin my whole new era.
Happy birthday, flame boots! Yes, I am definitely making a blog post solely about my fire boots & integrity.
They made their first appearance in Peachy & Keen, on May 10th, 2017.
You can check out that blog post here.
What do I do when I get tired of all these flights of fancies? What do I do when I’m no longer living for myself, the only real reason I spent the last 19 years alive? When it gets out of hand, and when nobody knows, it can get to you to tire, make you feel like you’re just living to expire. Every word I say sounds the same & I stared blankly at this post for 9 hours with nothing to think and no words to produce and now that I’ve hit rock bottom — of the day — I’m ready to say these things in this manner. Is this a poem or am I trying to write a song or is this just me thinking from a perspective that isn’t usually available for me to dwindle with each day? Like a new snapchat filter that you only use sometimes. A door that you always lose the key to, so long that you forget what lies behind. I found the key and all I can remember is forgetting what it’s for. So come and take a walk with me, let’s sort this out, let’s organize it piece by piece until we find some motherfreakin’ peace. Let’s make the stupid kill-arettes dance in the air, waving like a red beam of give-and-bend light: I’m ready to slay this shoot, are you ready to get my point? Get ready because this was the last photoshoot I did before a series of unjust upside-down twisty-turn slides down into the bottom pit of this ‘real‘ life. Continue reading below for a poetic explanation of how uncool the night of April 12th was and how April 13th ruined my life.