Well I would say that it’s been a while. One year of photoshoots and I’ve completely altered my point of view of myself. I started off struggling to keep a rhythm with how I felt everyday, and yet I was so rhythmic with my blogging to the point of 4-5 posts a month, writing and photoshooting for days, and then a halt! I felt supremely lost and yet still fucking found a way to do my photoshoots until like this summer. That’s kind of when I stepped back to realize that I’ve posted 3 blog posts this year. What does this mean? The entity of suppression. It’s like, some sort of mix between writer’s block and low-self image of my writing intention, in my head? Does that make any sense? Like I do these photoshoots that I think are rad and fun, but I have this sort of suppressive depressive stupid way of not wanting to let the words flow naturally. So as torturous as this year has been for this blog, at least I’m learning to appreciate myself and my photoshoots alll over again. However, taking extra time on this blog post also kinda forced me to think about the SOURCE of the INSPIRATION, not just musically but like, Bea Miller is more than a 20-year-old “That BITCH” kinda lady who rocks out in Seattle twice a year, has pink hair and only wants to feel something, but she’s also a formerly brunette teenage rockstar who released a non-apologetic album at age 15, has grown up into a world of technology and creativity and chooses to associate herself with rad people who ‘chill her vibe’ and accentuate her colors (PINK) and I’ve learned so much about this woman through listening and appreciating. Or, like, cheering. In a crowd. Either way, what started out as me loving her second album Aurora turned into something all the way Outside with Flights of Fancy. What does that even mean anyway?! Outside was like the first song from Bea that inspired me to do a photoshoot, I literally had the song on loop x4 or something outside smoking cigarettes and bending over backwards making funny faces because I was outside, being sassy, bragging about kitchen-table-coffee and also still admiring my fave song from that album. Explains why I got the hand-written lyric sheet for it. (; Okay more about Bea Merch eventually–basically I liked jamming to that song & doing the photoshoot so much that I decided to buy a yellow jumper and even calculated the reprecussions, somehow finding ways to make 3 different chapters speak colorful volumes. I love that words and colors and outfits like to go hand in hand, and even though Aurora is technically older news after a handful of singles this year, I still really love that I did this! At first I was really trying to hone in the album and songs and shit as inspiration but the more fun it got with all those Seattle shoots the more I just really appreciated that Bea is like, a lot like me, in the sense that this entire year of writer’s block all I’ve wanted to do was FEEL something. So many different states of mind and yet I still had to, like, choose between photoshoots or actually writing and completing my posts, so basically all year I’ve been minimalistic with expression, trying to find ways to even ‘create’ per say. BUT, I can finally master the rules I previously bent and find a way to create new chapters out of 2018 outfits that were originally inspired by this bitch! Hey, I’ve had worse years of creative flow. You just wouldn’t BEA-lieve how this girl has pushed forward the stream’s current!
Here’s a sort of recap. So I can’t tell if that’s impressive or oppressive at this point but it’s all the same, rehab in California went fantastic, stayed a month and a half and am now trying to find a way to be less bored and more motivated! But basically May 2018 I started a rough draft of this whole project and after a hectic life of faux crime, writer’s block, stressful evictions and walking in circles, I’m finally back to say something here. Finally. Back bitches. And it’s this Bea Miller post! That I finally get to come back with! My returning debut! Finally or something! I worked pretty dang hard with these shoots. Journey begins probably when apathy is gone, I’m gettin’ there, slowly and surely? Actually pretty freakin’ proud. Want to check it out?