Hey guys, this past month I was truly reborn. Slowly but surely my dreams are coming true in the strangest, slowest, confusingest ways possible. So the last day of May I dyed my hair this gorgeous dimensional red and I’m obsessed…with that and my labret lip piercing and I finally felt motivation to write today before the crew comes over and helps me do my greatest comeback shoot. Because here’s the thing. Waiting in my queue was basically just some pics of merch, pics of me in my merch and other gadgets, a couple pics of me with my snake, so I want to cram all of this into one so I can 1. Show you guys this cool stuff — it was put in the queue for a reason. Like each of these, or at least half, were supposed to get spotlight blog posts. But now that’s not what’s happening. I want to take you guys on a journey and show you these loads of merch and a couple other cool things about my last blogshoot days of being brunette. Like how I was for 19 years. I have new stories to share, new craziness or possible excitement to share… And now I get to finish cleaning my room before my peeps arrive and that will start this whole big deal and everyone is excited. Like it’s really super cool that people are this excited about being in my blogshoot. It means freakin’ hella! I’m proud of myself and my blog. The last couple of weeks I sunk into one of the deepest depressions of my life…And after a little support, some new friends, a crazy life hijacking twisty-turny slide, a breakup, a few people to get to know better, like 10 mini rocks later given to people and picked out specially with ones that I feel like resonated with that person, even though each time I gave someone a rock it was my way of saying greetings beautiful stranger, I can tell you’re fuckin’ special. Greetings humans, I want nothing but to treat y’all with love and respect. Pluuuus++++ drugs. Producing music videos. Reaching out of my comfort zone. Dangerous stunts. Learning the way to not take things personally. Understanding people. Missing people. Finding myself. And then there’s also that time that I got pics of my little booty in my Lights booty shorts, too.
Okay yes, maybe most of this is merch related. Lol. But yeah I’m hoping to do a shoot for the Elohim merch so you can start hoping for that soon. My new blog posts will be including a lot more of my friends, my red hair, more creative shoots, etc. But for a few weeks I felt dead and couldn’t even post anything hence the reason it’s taking me until now to post all the rest of my brunette days… Blah blah blah. A month or two ago started with my booty shorts from Lights, some bombass merch that I wrote more about here. This shoot was from May 3rd wow oopsie daisy. Captain Lights booty shorts found in the comic book of Skin&Earth and sold on Lights’ We Were Here tour 2017.
And then there was a lil shoot on May 6th when I did my hair all cute, featuring a merch hairbow. I gotta post this on CelebrityMerchBase shortly. This was a No Doubt hairbow handmade by someone on Etsy years and years ago. Photographer was my exgirl Ally.
Then on May 16th there was a shoot with my snake Brisk also shot by Ally called wandalanda, lmao I was under some influence.
Didn’t crop them cuz I didn’t care. This was all while I was still so depressed and suicidal but I’m sooo happy to be outta that funk. May 26th, day of liberation.
But 4 days before that, I did a little shoot with Ally too, which I’m not gonna crop or anything because I don’t care that much but this was the last shoot of this era before I got my chains all cut off, shackles and cuffs and all that shit, and went into the real world. But of course first there was this, and the reason I wanna show it is because I’m wearing my Nasty Gal shirt that says One Cranky Bitch. Lol. Not only that but I had like a beehive or honeycomb type necklace which feeds into my current obsession with bees!
So that explains my life before my revolution. Before my actual revolt. Before the loneliness and then the friends, the parents shaming but then caring more than ever, the drug myths and the drug reality, the drug truths and the drug escapes. So, so so many struggles and things but none of them are nearly as bad as being together with Ally in the toxic relationship where I wasn’t allowed to have any friends and became my worst ever violent self — I’ve never been that self with anyone but her and I’m extremely grateful. I’m so glad to be by myself with my own struggles because it’s still hard but it’s different. It’s hard, but it’s so much different. I love my life now and I’m doing better and better, able to even to post this blog post and live my own life no matter what’s happening. At least I got my best friends. At least I got my mom and my dad. At least they care. At least there’s cartoons and at least there’s distractions.
Song of that Shoot: It was originally called On Our Way by Christina Aguilera but I renamed the shoot Cranky Bitches and the song of the shoot is Crossing A Line by Mike Shinoda. Definitely describes that time of my life, or specifically our May 26th breakup.
It’s funny that my reputation now is that I’m doing meth and heroin. But that’s not exactly right. See lyrics below. If you’re going to gas me, try to ruin my reputation or slash my life (good luck) then gas me correctly. A couple weeks I struggled with heroin, not meth. If you’re going to spread shit about I’m struggling with and what I’ve been dealing with then at least get it right. I’m not ashamed, because I hope you know y’all gonna be charged for publicizing my struggles in a horrible way anyway. But it doesn’t mean I won’t escape, I’m still me and I’ll always be fighting for that. But it’s not like me to not be honest. Might as well be honest to the people who take their time to read my words.
“Dreaming about heroin…taking all my medicine to take my thoughts away.” – Heroin by Lana Del Rey
sneak peak at my first ever shoot of my new revolution
coming soon when I get my lazy ass going :
-can’t hold us down (stripped pt. 2) photoshoot/blog post featuring Syerra & Maddy; first red hair shoot. shown above as a preview^
-children of the bad revolution – the real start of the revolt, featuring my best friend in billie eilish merch and me wearing something cool probably.
-catlady June 2018 box – review and photoshoot for the box and everything I got in it!
-aly & aj meet & greet, concert, concert outfit and merch modeling
-Full Elohim merch photoshoot including the daisy dropping acid shirt and some cute accessories plus the ‘don’t half love me’ hat and mask.
-Alison Wonderland ‘awake’ album pre-order bundle including signed lithograph, socks, shirt, and car air freshener.
-Mike Shinoda shirt & artbook + Christina Aguilera liberation Target shirt & CD bundle photoshoot, etc etc…
-Chapter Two: Red so I can finally post the three-chapter Aurora series!
-Curology: Why it failed miserably for me.
-Genine in a Bottle TBD (Xtina song related; last Nasty Gal item of my last haul)
What are you most excited for?
Shop For Days 
Don’t let haters get to you. Most of the time, it’s jealousy that drives them. I hope that you conquer your struggles, and I look forward to your upcoming shoots. Luv Captain Light. 🙂
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