Scorpio Season truly is supposed to be the time where I’m at my peak. FIRST – this sounds sad at first, but I promise you I’m following it up with some SERIOUS positivity. Anyway, I’m supposed to feel my strongest, do the most elite things, and challenge myself to degrees that make growing a regular & constant thing. But here I am right now sitting in Starbucks and I’m miserable — can you believe that, miserable?? Like, with all that I have and have been given and I’m capable of being miserable? I don’t even understand how. So here I am in my head listening to the faint sounds of Starbucks and I gotta tell you guys, it’s my fault. FAULT is a strong word, and no I am not being hard on myself. I’m being tender with myself and trying to understand where I’m coming from and how I can back to a peaceful mindset. Although, it’s okay that I was miserable, and it’s okay that I took a deep breath and finally got to Starbucks and ordered a tall latte and oatmeal…It’s the best I could do to take care of myself (we have like no money right now) but I gotta say I just really really truly want to cry, with all of my heart. Something that started out as such a fantastic day ended in me not being able to do anything not even being able to watch Netflix or Hulu and I gotta say, days like this are going to happen. A lot of times I’ll have great starts but a lot of times I’ll fall on my ass or face. That’s going to happen and just because I can’t predict it doesn’t mean I can’t be prepared for it, like honestly. This blog post starts out with mostly just me complaining but I’m telling you right now that I understand what’s happening within myself & around me and I see that a lot of my flaws have these holes in them where I could’ve prevented the fall, but that also doesn’t mean I need to point fingers at myself. Because I don’t. Taking responsibility for myself, my actions, my hunger and my state of mind is one thing but that doesn’t mean I need to be hard on myself or add anymore unnecessary negativity to my life. Because that’s bull!
And as I write this, I feel myself uplifting. There’s a lot of power in understanding things and there’s a LOT of power in understanding myself. I’ve found that out in so many ways. So now I want to show you guys some shoots from the past month, some interesting peaks of Scorpio Season. I know that a lot of this just sounds like something that would be on my Worry Just Enough blog but honestly, I’m just as powerful with my fashion and shopping as I am with being in my head and worrying about things. Honestly, probably more so. But I want to show you a power shoot that was totally experimental (never really done anything like it) plus a completely random Halloween shoot where I was honestly just as comforable/in my element. “What were you for Halloween?” …. “Idk but it looked cool.” And now, after a longass intro, I will dive in. I dive down and things look up.
Halloween is like, the first time I really feel like it’s Scorpio season. It really starts on like the 24th of October or something but by Halloween I’m so fucking confident wearing a dress that’s bright teal and two sizes too big, a sweatshirt I cut in half and then draped the bottom part over me like a sash…Did I mention it’s bright orange? Lol, and then my makeup! Hahaha I didn’t give a fuck this Halloween, I felt so comfortable in my skin. I really truly feel so comfortable these days, in so many countless ways. So I got bored on Halloween and came up with Duotone. It’s pretty weird but the question is, is it as weird as me? Because I think I’m a bit more freaky. Wink wink. DUOTONE wow that’s a dumb name but livingly accurate (;
The look – “Duotone” – Halloween 2017
- The dress is from House of Dereon, a clothing line that Beyonce initially launched, in the size medium which was actually pretty massive for me but I totally rocked it. Usually I don’t like a lot of colors of blue on me so when I saw the orange shirt hanging by the blue dress I was like IMMA DUO THIS SHIT! Because I didn’t know how to rock either of those, so I rocked them together.
- This sweatshirt/long sleeve orange shirt thing is actually from Wal-Mart from like 3 years ago, and that’s pretty funny and I hated that it was boxy, but believe it or not I still rock certain Wal-Mart things. But this shirt I cut choppily at an angle and then draped the chopped off part over myself like a sash. Hahaha, I LOVE IT
- Lipsticks: on my bottom lip is Kylie Cosmetics‘ Doll, and on my top lip is Blue Lulu from Drama Queen. I also used those to make dots on my cheeks. Lol
- I love this awesome necklace but I’m not sure where I got it and the little leather hair wrap is from Sephora!
Let me tell you how today started (even though I’m already kinda cooling off). Today started off as an AMAZING day, just completely incredible with my boo @ Danon going to the gym and stuff like that; but after he left I was left alone with my thoughts SIMPLY BECAUSE my family didn’t pay the wi-fi bill. Of course it didn’t matter to any of them, all of them worked all hours of the day and then came home and slept, but I actually like… I did my makeup and I tried to be in an okay mood and even planned to come here, but everyone was fucking ignoring me and I kept sinking further and further into my undying hunger (oh yeah we had no food either) and did I SERIOUSLY blame this on the people around me? The people that I love? Why the fuck would I blame them for things that I low key have control over? Sure it’s not an easy thing and sure I kinda have a right to be miserable but that doesn’t mean I should point fingers because that has no value and solves nothing.
Day later and I’m honestly way more positive. Today was a crappier day overall but by the time I got home and talked to the cutest person ever (Danon) I flipped it all kinda a lot around, and that’s when I started really fixing up this blog post and I’m totally going to post this before I’m 19. And now we get into this experimental shoot that was equal parts fun and funny, and I loved it.
- Belt is from Blackheart which is Hot Topic’s lingerie line and stuff
- Pants are awesome and latex with a cool studded belt and studded boots and I’m not sure where any of it came from. From cool people mostly!
- Jacket thing is this polyester coat thing that looks like leather but it’s from some place called Alley Kat
- I actually kept a comprehensive list of all my makeup and stuff for once, which I never usually do! Let me get that out. MAKEUP:
-Eyeko London skinny liquid eyeliner black
-Lancome hypnose drama mascara
-Gimme brow by benefit in 3
-YSL BB creme
-Smashbox under eye primer
-Becca Cosmetics under eye brightener
-Smashbox photo finish primer water
-Benefit airbrush concealer in 1 (under eyes)
-Hey Honey trick & treat cream concealer (on cheeks, on my hyperpigmentation/breakouts)
-Dior airflash spray foundation in 201
-A little of kat von d translucent powder
-Givenchy prisme libre pastel loose powder
-Kylie Cosmetics koko kollection bronzer, lil of blush, and highlight only on cupids bow
-MAC Melon pigment for cheek/the rest of the highlight, packed on
-Kaplan MD lip 20 mask & lip balm
-Pinky Rose Cosmetics – VIP matte lip
-Smashbox photo finish radiance primer, with a little eyeshadow primer
-MAC Cosmetics’ Melon pigment
And that’s all I got for you guys. I want to wrap this up by saying life has been really crazy the past couple of weeks especially leading up to my birthday, but yeah as I’m writing this it’s like 2 hours until I’m 19 and as my final 18 year old hours I wanna say that I’m excited for more growth, I’m so excited for my life upcoming, I’m so excited for tomorrow and this whole birth week; I’m so so proud of myself and my rapid gym gains, I’m incredibly proud of myself for how I’ve been eating so much better and how I’ve been glowing and living and breathing…Thank you @Danon for also helping lifting me up so much in every aspect of life and I’m so excited for everything to come.
“I’ve got so much soul inside my bones, take a look at me now! I’m young, forever in the sun, ever since you came, I’m living Ultralife!” – Ultralife by Oh Wonder