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Apparently this was a July of auburn hair. The red was on it’s way out and the blonde & the bleaching lifted it to this almost auburn color. Not all the time between bleach and red did I have the best of my hair, but I’ve always liked how mellow this looked with that typical salt crystal in every bedroom picture I take. And let me tell you, that the halfway off my bed shoots were always some of my favorites over time. Just like the back of my Shop For Days business cards. Well, I came back to change some of the writing of this post before I push forward with the next one, so for now just know that eventually all of this will have paid off, & I’m proud to be sitting here now working on another piece to post. So basically these were the now ‘customized’ painted jeans that my friend, Julian, helped me wreck with paint (maybe acrylic) and even got a good hand-print shaped green splatter near my ass, that one was artsy. Originally these pants were not mine, but they were given to me by my ex-girl, actually. And of course, the bleached t-shirt that Zoey, another friend of mine, had done herself. She bleached the dopamine molecule into the front of this black crop top. Loved it, wanted it, and I gave up to her my Hustlers tube top because it looked better on her than me. Check this out, I wonder if she still has it honestly. That’s a good quality question. Generally speaking, I’m thankful for both of these things here but you have no idea how cycling works of my closet without understanding the hitting the hilt with different timing, thing. Seriously, I’ll get better at coordinating these things, working on them one day to the next, at a time. So that’s pretty much how I work, for real. For now, you go, girl! Red sneakers, I thought these were perfect for me as a blogger. I actually got the shoes from Josh’s place, he let me help him organize this ex-girl’s old clothes of hers that he still had.

So he definitely let me keep a few things when I was there, sometime in the summer of 2019, when all of this was relevant to us still, there. I’ve never noticed how much of a pain it is to get rid of that much stuff as soon as possible, yet they were all just girls things, it’s like I know a few girls would want that, but maybe they have it by now. But it wasn’t everyone, or just one chick, but I did go over there a few good times, and ran into something there, and I can definitely could tell you I wanted to keep what he had that was left for a girl. He also pretty much just let me handle it, so I got what I did after he picked it out from the pile of stuff. There was even this funny part of it but I just really want to leave it like that, this photoshoot is enough of this stuff. Now we haven’t hung out in a long time, yet I still think these sneakers are significant to me. I wore them in only one other blog shoot than this so far, & it was definitely No Tears Left To Cry. I’m pretty sure that this floral jacket looked good enough to re-work this outfit that day, so I’m really glad I got that from him too. Then yes, another blog post with that many layered necklaces, and honestly, there’s just so many cool things to explain from the rest. First, I used to be really good at working that many necklaces together. Second, my outfit is kind of ‘customized’ from the kindness of those people’s hearts. Third, the Lipstik belt is favorite.

The playlist I’d assign to this blog post is my 114 song playlist, Dopamine Deficit actually. But it’s been over a year since I created that playlist (or concept!) so I had the idea of relating it to that like that. Also this was in between dying my hair red and bleaching anymore, so it’s just auburn-colored. So it’s a cool balayge & red that I have on. Almost auburn vixen status, like I’m back to January 2014 when I had dyed my hair auburn there for a month, and then after that I ended up ditching the color for DarkkVixen which was the almost-black with plenty of red era of my life. Hair really explains a lot to me about people, like how this was just me in one transitioning moment, and I really love all these sentimental vs. nostalgic guessing games, because that’s what it’s like to form an opinion this way. Like on someone else’s life or themselves, that’s just one way to make things easier to drop – you want to be trying to maintain it all, actually. While reading about someone else’s life, that is – open your eyes a little bit and do a bit more for that vibe.

I’m guessing what this is, is something I can create with just myself, without having to leave the comfort of my room. Of course this was back when I used to live with my dad, so I wasn’t surprised I got to venture places to be treated atypical, which almost seems…too bold, to keep those types of friends, but those types of people haven’t seen what I’ve written in my life, haven’t ever tried to do that, and the thing about these scenes is that I’m not asking anybody particularly to read/see me do my work, because I don’t need their approval, or their props. I try to keep it relative to them if I’m talking to people about myself or my blog, trying to only bring it up when it seems like it’d chart. Like my layering of different necklaces, I used to do that instinctively because that’s how I dressed every day, but I couldn’t do that now if I tried. Even just this clothing experience, this outfit that was created by a series of right decisions to be accepted like that, by people who had something to give to me for the sake of indulging me and trusting that I already know & have my value and worth, contextually speaking, to their lives & their high rides. People who have the world and a half, and just want to give me a taste, well I’d usually want a taste of that, too, because people are…fulfilling.

Wow. My face was interesting in these ones, I almost looked like some other girl. I’m glad I even got those necklaces in here, starring the ‘Princess’ choker, the long amber necklace, this rectangular piece on a small chain from my mom, and finally some other circular cute & small necklace that Jessie & I got from Goodwill. I probably got it from her bag of jewelry. That’s my stepmom, by the way. The last thing on my shirt is a pin that says ‘Inner Peace’ with a peace sign. I have enough of these pictures for 3 tiled galleries, it’s about 38-48 pictures. This is a good for a photoshoot of myself.

I really miss this apartment honestly, I had a few really clever little setups living with my dad. I almost completely dissolved the operation of decorative. It doesn’t serve me as well as structural these days. Either way, one day I’ll get back my paraphernalia, and then we’ll see how I organize things! At my mom’s house I mean, not this cute apartment. My room here really mattered though, so try to observe past the pictures a little. Like, basically my belt says Lipstik and it’s super cool but it’s broken already since this first photoshoot I did with it. That just sucks, but hey I got it into this blog shoot perfectly, it looked really good with my outfit. I’m probably never going to be able to replace it, just repair. That’s an interesting perspective, but I wasn’t even writing much, as actively on July 22nd, 2019 when this was shot. With that I say, I didn’t even get this photoshoot up until approximately 2020. I had writer’s block for a while, actually.

So I really love this shoes and easily this outstanding photoshoot, as well. I’m using this post kind of as a filler with the capitalized blog posts verses the 2020 ones, like how I use punctuation with a lot of the tiles. We’ll I’ve tackled writer’s block and spent time re-doing some blog posts like this, just getting deeper into the meaning of it. That’s all that really matters, is if you can mean it, or if you have something smarter than you that you go by instead. If you’ve found this, you go girl, too! I really created an era with everything I’ve been posting, in it’s own little waves of what went when. Eventually this will all fill out a bit easier, is all, once writing becomes my favorite part. But for now, I go by myself! A lot has happened since I did this photoshoot, like how I’m never going to shoot those sneakers again. Too dingy, honestly. I’ve had a bunch of different sneakers in my life, like even Hello Kitty sneakers that were blue, & I wore them constantly until they were wrecked with a hole in them, and same I’m doing with the red sneakers… It’s not that bad, at least.

And with trying to stay on track and follow the lines to create a crisper story, I’ve got to stay on top of the ball, working through it the best way I know how to, because for some reason this is not that…difficult, but there’s a lot to mull over, like the belt ripping in half, unusable for now. Although, that really good picture of the jewelry I just love, and I’m really a fan of this outfit in general. So, keeping sentiment instead of trying to find something better, like it’s your favorite thing, it’s really not so hard. Alternate between what things are your favorite, but create eras for each door that opens in or out of your life, and make sure to keep track; make a habit out of the favorites and stay on track for the more important things, always keeping it at the center of your mind, to know where you are in life or what day it even is.

So maybe a good model-to-photographer ratio here, with shoots like this? I seemed to draw in the camera enough for what I was thinking for this one, and I seemed to work the outfit in enough in terms of position, and I’ve been working hard and healthy for the ego, clean and crisp to the lack of words, and then to the moon or the show. Then again, all I do is crop these pictures, so points for lighting in concept. Good going, keep it up! I’ll be all of these things to myself. Doesn’t matter what it looks like, I have a really good feeling for what I’m doing, and I’m not giving that up until I’ve dug a little hole in my spot, pinpointing what I’ve wanted or been doing since 2014 until now. It’s a good approach. I’ve been doing the same sort of things in a pattern since then, trying to break it up a little. I know how I should be and it involves some of these a little-lengthy blog posts to get it up and out of my system. Old habits & try hard. I can do it!

P.S. The Lipstik belt is good enough though! Once I fix that up and wear it in another photoshoot you’ll see, but I’m betting on 2022 for any of the items I shot here, it’ll be a while before I reuse any of these pieces again. Well thanks for reading this post by the way, it was productive actually. I don’t care where it’s placed, I just know what this outfit means or represents pretty well, like as if I’ve done it before. And I guess I have had experienced those feelings, in a few different forms, one being a dream or two actually. I have pretty vivid dreams, honestly. Okay I’m going to put this post away and work on something different, so again thanks so much for reading! I’ll make sure to incorporate what I’ve said here in the very next post I do, noticing that I’m adding this in from 2 or so years later in my life, but yep, that.