I wonder how many times I’m going to have to “grow up” before my eyes are really open. Just when I suspect I’ve figured something out, it’s like, surprise! And it’s a good thing! It’s like I was wearing sunglasses the whole time and forgot to take them off, making me miss details that I wasn’t ready to learn until the next time, when I was ready to see them. Strange metaphor, but it’s hardly a metaphor, more like an analogy. Either way, it’s great that I grow more and more every day. It’s great that I learn new things, it’s great when I stay humble, it’s amazing when I get stronger, it’s awesome when I find out how resilient I already am and even greater of a realization to see that I’m not done growing yet. Meaning, it’s like I have this shield I’ve built, and I think it’s a really cool shield like “wow this is much more powerful than using my arms for defense” and I get so caught up in thinking it’s just cool that things bounced off of it. Here’s the cool part, the part that you can sprinkle in your drinks in the morning to give you hope and keep you stronger. Every day that shield grows stronger, and of course things are still going to affect you, but you can choose the way it affects you. When it hits you but it hits your shield it gives you a chance to pick how to react. It gives you a chance to live for that moment, to retaliate in a beautiful way.
Show them all how strong you really are by rising above all of it. I can’t stop loving the fact that I get higher and higher but sometimes I get scared of falling. But the thing is, I’m not rising above the clouds with magical pixie dust taking me up, scaling largely above the USA, but I’m actually walking up stairs. On good days, it’s an elevator. Like when Danon surprised me for my birthday by taking me to the tallest building in the state, where we rose to level 73, and seeing how beautiful the city was really took a lot of my fear away. Around me was this sweethearted boy, people adoring the city, and a nice guy at the front desk. We were quiet but we were all in awe. And I think that that really is a great representation of what it’s like to be with someone like him and build my shield and armor but also build a catapult of LOVE, and yes him and I rise so high but I’m not scared at all. I feel safe, like this is exactly where I need to be. Being in that building there was no fear of falling, no fear of crashing from 73 floors, just seeing the beauty of the world from a level where we couldn’t be touched by them. None of the negativity, none of it could touch us, although I always seek the love wherever I can find it, and create it when I can’t. And that’s really the bottom line, that’s how we all should live, we should wake up in the mornings up high in a New York hotel or just excited in our own heads or jumping around the street because you like jumping like me, and not be scared at all of what could be below. We’re safe here, with all the amenities that come with growing into such valuable people. It’s your right as a person to grow with no fear, it’s your right to seek the love and cut off the fear, it’s your right and your strength to live as you breathe and I promise you that you will never reach a point in your life where you’re not worth that. Maybe celebrities can live in penthouses high in the sky, with all their money, and it’s probably beautiful, but honestly what’s incredibly beautiful to me is getting to know the people I love and my cat Milkshake. What’s beautiful to me is waking up after not having a nightmare, and realizing what’s to come all day. What’s beautiful to me is I’m still 73 floors high, risen above anything that shouldn’t touch me, so you could say I have my head in the clouds yet I’ve never been so coherent. I’ve never been so intuitive. I’ve never learned that I have THIS much left to learn, and I still haven’t learned a fraction of what I’m about to learn. Tomorrow, the next day, next year, and yesterday…Things to look forward to. Strength is a choice, and I know you’ve earned it.
Listen to this while you read this! 🙂 Usually I post things like this post on my other blog, but this is coordinated with a photoshoot. This photoshoot means a lot to me, because it really represents the love and strength and beauty in my life and how it’s all honed in with my unapologetic smile and wonder. That’s what I’ve learned more of lately, to be unapologetic, the tricky part is knowing when to actually apologize. Tricky, but I usually get it right. I’m being me for sure, and not caring about the judgement, however if I accidentally step on someone at a concert I still say sorry even if they just glare at me and push me. Hahahah, worth it, because they should know that I ain’t too proud to be sorry, because sorry has it’s place when it’s meant full-heartedly. I always mean it full-heartedly.
Change is a powerful thing, but finding out that I LOVE myself was a turn that was like a fun plot twist in a movie. Suddenly everything’s more fun, and I give up on certain things a lot less quickly, I feel like I’m grounded to the earth yet high in the sky and all around me I feel the energies of the people I pass. Sometimes I know when to compliment someone because I see they’re extra-insecure or something, like a lot of times I’ll think “Omg so adorable” about a person but I only go out of my way to say it if I feel like they’re not gonna look at me confused and wonder why I interrupted them. Lol, I think that love is due in so many places because sometimes I feel my strength fall through and just want a little extra boost or moral support, and if I voice that and someone says “I believe in you!” then suddenly I do feel believed in, whether or not they “only” said it because I was a bit down. It doesn’t matter, love is unconditional, and support is a beam that I use tied with trust and forgiveness to look at someone like I see themselves, their energies and purity, and not all the surface things that clouds them and makes it hard to see how they are. It’s like a poker face or being constipated, like for real, when your chakras are blocked it’s cloudy and stressful. Sometimes I feel SO compelled to compliment someone a certain way sometimes (and I mean it) and they sometimes look surprised and a lot of times say they really needed that, or I just see them glow a slight bit more. Either way I didn’t do it to be like “Alright I made your day now pay up”–Incorrect. Just so, so, incorrect. I spread the love that I have to make people’s days because it makes me happy, and because I love to love, and there’s really no better reasoning. It’s like passing out free samples of cookies, it’s like, some people just don’t like to eat cookies, but even being offered could give a slight peak in how they feel. Even if they don’t see it or realize it at all. Unless it was someone on the street trying to sell pot cookies…Maybe this wasn’t the best analogy.
Since I love myself, I have this excess love to give eternally. Past the day of my death and before I was born I will/was/am spreading love like people spread nutella on things (but not me because I’m allergic to hazelnuts) and I can feel it engraved in my bones in some celestial, glowing way. I’m alive, I’m so very alive, but in every state I’ve ever been in and every body I’ve ever gained consciousness in and every time I’ve walked through a heaven’s gate I swear that the love I have radiates sooo far, that even the dead fields of corn around me perk up. Even the people with the worst days can hop on my back, and I’ll show them the best day. I have more than enough time to give and love, and more than enough energy to help people get to where I am now…on the 73rd floor. All because I wield such powerful love. Come at me with all ya got, love is my weapon and my protection.
The moral of the story is, you should Adore Your Days. That’s something I’ve been saying a lot lately, and it holds a lot of power with me for some reason. I truly do adore my days and never want to take any for granted because I’m having the time of my life. Literally, cuz like, I’m alive. It’s fun. Join me! Please, adore your days with me! Adore YOURSELF.
- Shirt – Stitchfix! My third box, I LOVE THIS SHIRT. The brand is American Able
- Jeans – Also Stitchfix… Lol, my second box, the brand is Just USA!
- I did my makeup all cute because it was really fun this night, not because I feel the need to wear it. However my lipstick is from Huda Beauty and I ADORE. It.
Wanna try out Stitchfix? Be my guest! You can use my referral link and sign up here, where you’ll just take a style quiz and then you can schedule your first shipment. You don’t have to pay anything. And if you end up not liking any of it, send it all back and don’t pay anything! Just keep what you love and pay for that…It’s so perfect for me right now, thank you to my stylist Loren!!! I even got my mom (and dad? Hurry up and take the quiz dad! Lol) to join Stitchfix too…Mom’s first box comes on Saturday 🙂