I wonder how many times I’m going to have to “grow up” before my eyes are really open.  Just when I suspect I’ve figured something out, it’s like, surprise! And it’s a good thing! It’s like I was wearing sunglasses the whole time and forgot to take them off, making me miss details that I wasn’t ready to learn until the next time, when I was ready to see them. Strange metaphor, but it’s hardly a metaphor, more like an analogy. Either way, it’s great that I grow more and more every day. It’s great that I learn new things, it’s great when I stay humble, it’s amazing when I get stronger, it’s awesome when I find out how resilient I already am and even greater of a realization to see that I’m not done growing yet. Meaning, it’s like I have this shield I’ve built, and I think it’s a really cool shield like “wow this is much more powerful than using my arms for defense” and I get so caught up in thinking it’s just cool that things bounced off of it. Here’s the cool part, the part that you can sprinkle in your drinks in the morning to give you hope and keep you stronger. Every day that shield grows stronger, and of course things are still going to affect you, but you can choose the way it affects you. When it hits you but it hits your shield it gives you a chance to pick how to react. It gives you a chance to live for that moment, to retaliate in a beautiful way.

Show them all how strong you really are by rising above all of it. I can’t stop loving the fact that I get higher and higher but sometimes I get scared of falling. But the thing is, I’m not rising above the clouds with magical pixie dust taking me up, scaling largely above the USA, but I’m actually walking up stairs. On good days, it’s an elevator. Like when Danon surprised me for my birthday by taking me to the tallest building in the state, where we rose to level 73, and seeing how beautiful the city was really took a lot of my fear away. Around me was this sweethearted boy, people adoring the city, and a nice guy at the front desk. We were quiet but we were all in awe. And I think that that really is a great representation of what it’s like to be with someone like him and build my shield and armor but also build a catapult of LOVE, and yes him and I rise so high but I’m not scared at all. I feel safe, like this is exactly where I need to be. Being in that building there was no fear of falling, no fear of crashing from 73 floors, just seeing the beauty of the world from a level where we couldn’t be touched by them. None of the negativity, none of it could touch us, although I always seek the love wherever I can find it, and create it when I can’t. And that’s really the bottom line, that’s how we all should live, we should wake up in the mornings up high in a New York hotel or just excited in our own heads or jumping around the street because you like jumping like me, and not be scared at all of what could be below. We’re safe here, with all the amenities that come with growing into such valuable people. It’s your right as a person to grow with no fear, it’s your right to seek the love and cut off the fear, it’s your right and your strength to live as you breathe and I promise you that you will never reach a point in your life where you’re not worth that. Maybe celebrities can live in penthouses high in the sky, with all their money, and it’s probably beautiful, but honestly what’s incredibly beautiful to me is getting to know the people I love and my cat Milkshake. What’s beautiful to me is waking up after not having a nightmare, and realizing what’s to come all day. What’s beautiful to me is I’m still 73 floors high, risen above anything that shouldn’t touch me, so you could say I have my head in the clouds yet I’ve never been so coherent. I’ve never been so intuitive. I’ve never learned that I have THIS much left to learn, and I still haven’t learned a fraction of what I’m about to learn. Tomorrow, the next day, next year, and yesterday…Things to look forward to. Strength is a choice, and I know you’ve earned it.

un-edited, not even cropped, but look at how much love I have to give!!

Continue reading →